Everything I Don't Deserve

•two•

I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his face still blood red but I couldn't really tell now if it was anger, the drugs or maybe a tiny hint of embarrassment? I was too angry to decide.

"Here I'll dry it. Just fix my pants." He said much quieter than I expected. I fought back the tears that had now escaped my eyes, tears of absolute rage and disgust at this point.

"Don't touch my fucking things Austin. You already fucked it up. I don't need you making it worse." I hissed, dumping the contents of the bag onto the counter and storming out of the bathroom. I pushed past him and threw the ruined bag as hard as I could at the trash can by the door, knocking it over and sending beer cans and bottles scattering across the floor. I turned to him, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

"Turn around and stay fucking still. I need to get the fuck away from you right now. Between these stupid fucking shorts and now my bag.... Just don't fucking move or speak." I gulped. I was beyond trying to hide my emotions from him at this point. I was fucking pissed and he needed to know it.

He stayed quiet and as still as he ever has, at least I made my fucking point. I sloppily finished stitching his pocket back on, hoping it held seeing as though that's the pocket his pack goes in for his monitors. As pissed as I am at him I dont want to make shit even worse and my job is to fix shit like this. I snipped the last thread and talked myself out of burying the small sharp scissors into the back of his calf as I stood.

"Go. You are done. Everyone is waiting on you. Please just get out of here." I said trying to keep myself as calm as possible as my tears and shaking hands betrayed me. I turned on my heel snatching a canvas tote bag from my trunk and shoving all of the things from my purse into it. He hadn't moved a muscle as he stood watching me with that unreadable expression on his face. I pushed past him again grabbing an extra pair of shorts out of his trunk and threw them at him. They hit his shoulder and fell to the floor, I swear I saw him flinch a tiny bit. I didn't give a fuck if he blew up at me right now. I'll walk the fuck out and leave him scrambling for a stylist the night before Cathy's farewell party. I really don't give a fuck right now. Let him open his mouth. 

"There's extras if that doesn't hold. I wouldn't be worried about it normally but that's not my best work." I huffed with a gulping breath. I hate being this pissed off and he is the ONLY person who gets me this pissed off.

"I'm sorry Jordan.." he said quietly.

I turned and looked at him. "No you aren't Austin. You don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself these days. You don't give a fuck that I sat for hours making those shorts for you to fuck around in, so fucking coked up out of your mind that you probably don't even know what city you are in and you ripped them. You don't give a fuck that you just ruined my fucking purse, you don't give a fuck that you are are an asshole to me all the time and you certainly don't give a fuck that you pissed me off. You aren't fucking sorry for shit." I slammed the doors of the trunk shut and locked it. I grabbed my things and walked to the door wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as I passed him.

"Jordan... fuck.. I really mean it, it was an accident.."  He grabbed my arm but I jerked it away.

"Don't fucking touch me Austin. You are drunk and high and I'm pissed the fuck off and you are not allowed to touch me." He winced at my words and looked at me like I had slapped him. I stepped out into the green room just as Jay came nearly running towards Austin's dressing room.

"Where the hell is he? Jordan!? Is he still in there!?" He yelled, looking nearly as pissed as I was.

"Yep.." I spat as I heard Austin step out behind me. I didn't even look over my shoulder as Jay started blasting his ass for running so far behind. Fuck him. I hope his night is just as ruined as mine.