The Subway is for Lovers

"different doesn't feel so different"- tricky

I'm trying my best to hold back tears. Maybe they're of anger, or sadness. Really, I can't tell. It's been fifteen minutes since my stupid friends ditched me at the mall food court. We'd all planned to go together, messaged one another about it- waited the whole week. And now, barely a half hour into our Friday mall trip they've abandoned me.

I had a feeling this would happen though. They'd always been flaky and I'd always been labeled the odd one out in our friend group. This only solidified my hunch. We were all getting smoothies. My friends all got berry, but I decided to get an orange one. Mine was ready earlier than theirs- something about there being no blackberries on the ready. They told me to save a table for the four of us, then never came. 

For the first five minutes I thought there was still a delay with the blackberries. But there's no way it'd take that long. I had messaged all of them, to see what was up. But I'd been ignored. I'd taken a lap around the food court, even asked the smoothie kiosk workers if they'd seen the three girls I was with. Going in the direction the worker pointed me to, I found nothing but crowds flowing in their usual patterns to stores. 

That's how I ended up back at the same table as before, sulking. But I figure it's not worth taking up an entire booth. So, I go searching for a store to take my mind off of my abandonment. And I know just the place- my best friend's job- Hollister. If I'd sobbed in there no one would see me, they turn like all the lights off, it's crazy. I've known Jake since forever and he's chill so he'd let me stay in the back.

With the amount of times I've been in this mall, I could probably navigate it blindfolded. I don't need a directory to know that from here, Jake's job is down the nearest escalator and around the corner.

At the landing of the down escalator, there's a line of families. Santa and his elves are in town. It's only been rainy- I don't see how they survive. The giant mall tree is directly in front of Jake's job. Seeing it only reminds me of all the plans my "friends" and I had made for the winter break which are all trashed now. 

Contrasting the North Pole set right across from it is the exterior of the mall's Hollister. It's all beachy, with faux potted palm plants, and teal shutters. I'm then startled by someone barking the store greeting at me. But it's only Tasha, who I know as Jake's coworker, but she's also a head cheerleader at our school. She gets tons of popularity from that, though she's not a stereotypical popular- she's quite nice.

I don't hold a small conversation with her like I sometimes do. Even with her being so kind, I wouldn't want to breakdown in front of Tasha, the rest of the mall either. I simply make a b-line to the register, where Jake mainly works.

"Did you find everything good today?" Jake asked, "Oh, it's just you Tricks. Sorry- couldn't see," 

It's funny he'd asked me that, no I didn't find everything today. My friends are off somewhere else. I've lost my friends and some of my sanity. But I don't think he wants to hear me drone on about that so I don't bother. I change the topic, to something I almost always ask Jake. It's a bit of an inside joke now.

"Still working here? I thought you were a self-proclaimed skater boy," I said, scanning the store, even though it mostly looks like a black void.

"On weekends I'm a skater, not on my resume. You know I get all the chicks from working here,"

"Yeah, right,"

Somehow in the darkness, Jake can see my expression and asks: "Yo, Tricks, are you alright you look a little down?" Which sends me spiraling all over again. But, since I wouldn't lie to my best friend I tell him the truth, and in that I swear I feel a single tear fall.

"The girls went and ditched me, like twenty minutes ago," I admitted.

"Ah, that sucks," he inhales, "Well, you're welcome to sob here," 

He seems to know exactly my plan. I decide not to stay, as a line of one person has formed behind me. I apologize for taking so long and leave the store, with the promise made to call Jake later. 

As I exit through the store's door, a realization hits me. Any moment now I could run into my friends. Then all the tears I'd sucked up would fall right out. I can't leave the mall just yet. So, to properly avoid them I go to a store they would never show up in: Hot Topic.

I had only been in this store once before, and the set up was totally different. I'm looking at the walls with this bewilderment, that must have been obvious on my face. I'm almost immediately asked by the worker at the check-out if I need help. I almost shake my head no- but I don't, maybe this store is worth looking around. Because, in my gut, I have a feeling. It's no longer one that I don't belong-but that I do. I belong here.