Addic and Mental Issiuse

Chapter 1

"You WITHOUT me are NOTHING!" he growled, I know he is right...

"Don't listen to him! You are better than you think!" again... I hear him, but I don't see him. Why in all my (our?) dream I hear him but not see him?

"Bultshit! He fucking lying you! Don't you see?! He doesn't exist! You have only ME! No one cares about you! Only I do!" Does he tell the truth? Maybe it's like he said...?

I woke up to my dream, or our dream. Like I thought in our dream, he is right. I don't have anyone on my side, I have only him... My name is Marcellus, but in my-... our school calls me Flippy. They don't like me because HE hurts those poor and innocent students. They all think this is me, but I'm not! I swear on God! This isn't me! Why can't people see it??! Because I'm a part of you. You can't run from me. I'm only what you need and want. SHUT UP!! You don't know what I want! You don't know what I need! But I know you want to die and if you die I die, this is the reason why I can't let you go to those rotten people. They let you die, you are only a mistake, I'm you escape from them. If not me you would die a long time ago. And you know this is true. NO! He exists for sure! I'm trying to convince myself, but he makes it difficult! Are you sure of your words? I don't think so and you know you're saying wrongly. I'm only right here. You don't even see his face or body, only his voice! And don't smoke anymore, what I said - If YOU die, I DIE. And very good, what you said "this is the reason why I" smoke. Oh fuck you. Fuck you too fucker.

What time is it? "3.28 AM" Grate. Again, I woke up before my alarm clock... And again this voice... It always is in my dreams or should I say nightamers? I hadn't ever had a dream, HE no matter what is in my nightmares and this is why my dreams return to nightamers. He always calls me a "mistake", "loser" or just says to me I'm nothing without him and I would die many times in my past... But... It hasn't always been like this! In my childhood HE didn't exist! But after my parent's accident everything changed. At the beginning he didn't talk to me or show himself, only I could feel someone was with me. After one or two years he started saying one or few words. And next... He showed himself... He looks like me!... Only his eyes are different, they are bright yellow, but only in my images. When he controls this body he has my eyes - green not yellow. And no one noticed this! And when I tried to explain, they all thought I'm laying! But I don't!

-Why can't they understand it..?! - I shooted but my voice was breaking - Even my aunt and uncle don't want me!... I'm alone in this world... - Again not true! You have me~!

Nevermind... I looked at the clock once more, uhhh... Now it's 3.39 AM. What can I do? I don't know... Smoke or read a book?? The answer is very simple! Smoke! I take a pack's blue camels and go to the balcony. When I arrive I put out from my pocket my lighter which is overprint a green bear. He's so cute! I lit a cigarette and I inhaled poisonous and bitter smoke. The weather is good, it's one of the first days in September. Yeah now we're back to school. Yeyyyy, I'm so happy!!!... I hope you detect sarcasm. What I tell you - they all hate me and wish me death. I don't have a person for whom I'll have motivation to live... No one cares about me...Fliqpy... Only he is with me... But is it good? Or... I don't know anymore... Maybe he is right? Maybe I don't have anyone...? Maybe they all wish me death? What if... I won't be normal or loved...? Uhhh... All this thought, all this shit, all this life. This makes me freaking out! And HE... Me? You finally appreciate me! And finally you understand it. You don't have anyone except me! You may be right... Oh! My cigarette is done... One more wouldn't kill me (but I hope it would). Don't do it! Or what? Are you going to hurt us? Or maybe kill? If yes come on! Just do it!! I look forward to this! You idiot! I said it millions of times! YOU DIE - I DIE! This is why I can't kill us! EVEN dIF I WANT TO DO IT! YOU STUPID ASS! Oww, that's sad! What to do now? Hmmm?? OH! I know! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! Do you really want me to do this? ... Like I thought, you can't live without me! You don't even know how to react when someone tells you bullshit or calls you like they do. Why are you right...? I again lit a poisonous bundelt. How I hate this, but this helps me, helps me with life. If I don't smoke I don't know what I'll do. Maybe drugs, I don't know. The taste is disgusting but addictive. I don't think drugs will help me like smoking. Drugs are... Just no. When you start with them you won't stop. Smoking is similar but not entirely true. Smoke doesn't have psychoactive effects like drugs, it is only addictive and destroys the lungs, nothing more. Time to go back to "home",because how can an apartment block of flats be called "home"? I mean, maybe if you live with family or friends you can call it home, but not when you live alon-... With this stupid voice in your head. I put pots for a pot without flowers (I don't wanna hurt a plant, so I don't have it on the balcony, but in our "home" I have). Let's go, I don't have anything else to lose... I guess.