31 - Sweet Love

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"Good morning, my wife." I open my eyes to my fiancé with a cup of tea in her hand and the brightest grin on her face.

"Good morning, baby." She smiles and looks at the foot of the bed before meeting my gaze again.

"I found my dress.".

"That is good to hear."

"Have you found your outfit?"

"Not yet." The problem is I do not know whether I want to wear a suit or a dress. I hate bridal suits, they are not what I am looking for so I hope to fall in love with a dress. "What is left?"

"Nothing much, everything is organized or being organized, no disasters yet."

"Good, we still have a few days."

"Yeah, is that enough time for the outfit?"

"I would marry you in nothing but this sheet."

"I would like to marry you dressed."

"Oh, so you don't like seeing me naked?"

"I never said that Daddy, I love seeing you naked, I would like to marry you in something covering what is mine."

"Oh, possessive, I love that."

"Auntie! Auntie!" Someone is calling me and I do not want to get out of bed.

"Yes?" They stay outside the door.

"Come in." Kat walks in, a smile on his face and his siblings behind him. "Good morning, how may I help you?"

"Good morning." They say together. "Auntie, can we go to the carnival?" Kat asks.

"All three of you want to go?" They nod.

"We can go to the carnival. Did you two want to go with us or with friends?"

"I want to be with you guys." Dintle
"I want to be with my friends." Tsebo

"Okay, we can go to the carnival, tonight." Excitement on their face and they scurry out of our bedroom. "Would you like to go to the carnival with me and our crazy kids?" She nods and lets out a chuckle. "What is it?"

"Our kids."

"Oh, do you not..."

"No, I do, I just didn't know I was allowed to refer to them as that."

"We can ask them." She does not catch my gaze. "Tsebo! Dintle! Katleho!" They all rush back into my room, annoyed, they were probably telling their friends they are going to the carnival tonight. 
"Is it okay if we refer to you as our children?" They look at each other and take a moment.

"I told everyone at school that you are my moms, was I not supposed to?" Kat asks.

"That is okay, buddy, I just wanted to know what you see us as."

"Oh, so can I call you mom?"

"Which one of us?" Nandi asks with a chuckle. "You can call us anything you would like."

"I prefer Ma." I say."

"We will call you Ma." Dintle finally speaks.

"And we can call you, Mom," Tsebo says to Nandi.

"And it is settled, we are a family, now you can go back to your rooms." Smiles on their faces as they leave again. "See how easy that was?"

"Ma?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Yeah." She blushes. "I'm a mom."

"Of course you are baby."

"We need to do a family photo at the wedding so I can hang it up in the house."

"Yeah, so I need to wear actual clothes to the wedding."

"Yeah, can't parade my goods around town."

"Do not let the power get to your head, kitten, remember what happened last time you got overconfident?" Reminding her of the thigh incident. She blushes and looks away from me. "Don't be embarrassed, kitten, I loved watching you."

"You love watching me."

"I do love watching you." Her phone rings and it is her friends reminding her of their nail appointment.

I have to go dress shopping today. Lindiwe made time for me so we are video calling. Tshidi is also coming.

We have two appointments, I will find an outfit in one of them.

We arrived at the first shop and from the feeling of wearing the dresses, I wanted to rip them off of me, but nothing felt good.

"How about we go to a tailor?" Tshidi looks up at me confused. Lindi nods from the screen. "If I put on one more dress I will throw something."

"Okay," Tshidi says unsure. I change back into my clothes and we go to my tailor, who has made a few suits for me over the years.

We walk into the warehouse workshop that is buzzing with assistants all diligently making someone's next outfit.

"Lenka! You are back."

"Yes, I am. It is good to see you, my friend."

"Very good to see you, how can I be of assistance?"

"My friend, I am getting married in a week and I waited until the last minute like a fool and you are the only person I trust to pull off such a momentous outfit for me."

"A week you say?"

"If you can not, that is okay..."

"For you, I will move the sun and stars, let's get you measured and we can discuss, what you want."

"You, Pablo, are a life saviour."

"I tend to be called Saint Pablo."

"You earned that title." I go change and a lady takes my measurements before, Pablo and I sit in front of a computer, creating my dream wedding outfit.

After the visit, Tshidi and I go to get something to eat. With the outfit done, I am left with just my hair. Tshidi has been quiet.

"Hey, what are you thinking so heavily about?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah,"

"Are you, I mean I don't know if I maybe missed, but like, are you, I mean this with all respect and no judgement at all because it, its your life, and, and, and, are you non-binary?" A chuckle escaped my lips but my heart was terrified for a second.

"I think you could say that, I have thought about it, just never decided."

"So what do I call you?"

"Aunt is still fine, my name will always be an option and I will always be here for you."

"Pronouns?"

"See, that is always a tricky question."

"Why?"

"I spent so much time parading as a woman that, she/her, feels like what I am supposed to say but they make me uncomfortable, a reminder that I do not fit. They/Them feels right but also like I am burdening everyone around."

"Respecting you will never feel or be a burden to me or anyone else who loves you."

"You tend to surprise me when you are smart."

"Take that back, I'm always smart!" 

"Okay, if you say so." We spend the rest of the meal, joking and talking, like we always do but some part of me feels as though this is the first time, I feel seen.

***************
Until Next Week.

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