I Fucking Love You «JIKOOK ONESHOT»

I Fucking Love You

5 am, the clock marks. He finds himself staring at the ceiling, eyes wide open and rushed breaths escaping from his lips and he wonders how it all got to this point, because Jungkook is ignoring him and he can't come up with anything close to an idea of what he could have possibly done to make him so mad. But then again he doesn't necessarily need to do anything out of the normal to drive anyone up the wall. Just his irritating voice and personality can tick anyone off and it hurts him so much because he has tried more than once to be someone he isn't, to be someone better, someone more interesting, someone more bearable but he just can't. And people think he does it on purpose but they don't know anything. They don't know anything at all. Only he knows how much he tries to supress how he is.

The sun rises outside; he wants nothing more but to forget it all but he can't because Jungkook is just next to him, sleeping in the bed right next to his and fuck – just fuck this all really, because every damn time he looks at the maknae he tears up and this is wrong, he chants inside his head, this is so wrong and he shouldn't be feeling like this, he shouldn't, and then again he should because that's just how fucking disgusting he can be. Him and all of his stupid, stupid wrong feelings; feelings towards his dongseang that shouldn't fucking exist.

Oh but they do.

And he consumes himself wondering if that's the reason behind Jungkook's awfully cold behaviour towards him. After all he is disgustingly clingy and way too much caring and lovable and that probably sickens the other. That must be it, he concludes, he must've found out.

The thought alone has him shivering all over, cold sweat streaming down his face like a river; he feels it going down his neck, the panic, though, being too much for him to acknowledge it one hundred percent. It's not that it bothers him that much but it makes him feel so uncomfortable and dirty and it itches all over because of it and he just wants it all tostop. The spinning, the hurting, the aching, the constant uneasy feeling, the sweating, all of it. He just wants it all to come to an end, please.

I don't think I can survive all of this.

It's not the first time he has felt like this, not really and it scares him, because it feels like it's all coming back and he doesn't want to let it happen again, to let it take over him like it did before, to control him like it did before.

He snaps from his thoughts when he hears movement coming from the kitchen and he knows Jin hyung is awake already. Jin hyung is probably one of the only ones that know about how this whole situation really is affecting him, although everyone but Jungkook knows he loves the latter more than he loves himself. Jungkook probably knows by now, though and Jimin needs to control himself before he starts shaking with fear again.

It's all too much but he's still able to get up and head towards the kitchen where his possible comfort is, probably making sandwiches for breakfast for everyone, because that's just how caring his Jin hyung is. He needs to get there, and he needs to get there fast before it all starts spinning around him again and he needs to get there before he can collapse on the ground and suffer through it all alone, again.

He manages. Shaking everywhere and vision blurry, but he manages. He latches himself onto his hyung, asking for help,please, please. Jin hyung can only tell him to sit on the chair in front of him and ask him what's wrong because what else can he do? Jimin does nothing but let out agonizing whimpers and repeat he knows he knows he knows, over and over again.

"What does he know? Who? What happened?" Jin hyung questions and Jimin can sense the worry and all the uneasiness Jin hyung is feeling, so he tries his best to calm down and try to explain everything carefully so Jin hyung doesn't have to worry as much.