Fun on the Job

Kya had seven reports and all hated her, because she was a horrible manager. In a middle of a discussion, Lee would ask, "I was wondering which task is higher priority?". "Which one would you say it is?", Kya would retort. For her it was the Socratic method, for her reports it was being unhelpful. "I wonder if I can do it in time", Jan would say, "Yes I wonder if you are able to as well", Kya would respond. For her it was coaching, for her reports it was questioning their abilities. It could go either way, but when it was time for the annual performance reviews, the reports usually discovered they had been right all along.

It was late morning, and everyone was at their desks, working. They had a policy of no meetings before noon. Kya had come in to work last, as usual. Janusz stood up and started walking around with a fancy bottle that had been opened. "I just came from Poland, who wants to taste my liqueur from back home? It's a great aperitif". Steve and Lee put out their cups right away. Puck and Kris went to wash theirs first. Kya handed her cup distractedly, and didn't attempt to wash it. She never washed it, it seemed. Her entire desk looked filthy, and the cup made no exception. Janusz walked around and gave each some liqueur. The guys, Amelia and Jan cheered and drank some right away. Puck only raised her glass and turned back to work. Kya kept focusing on her screen unaware of her surroundings. 

A little bit later she said, excitedly, "This is really bitter!" Lee raised a brow. "I think it's rather sweet", he said, "it's a liqueur after all". "It's bitter sweet, I love it!" she gulped it all down. "Are you sure?... ", Janusz said, but it was too late. Kya didn't notice but everyone was stealing glances toward her from behind their monitors.

After that, everyone went to lunch, except Kya who stayed behind. When they came back, they saw that she had fallen to the floor next to her desk chair. She seemed unresponsive. "Call 911!" said Steve. They did and the ambulance came, and also the police. They declared her dead. "We'll need to do an autopsy", said the police. "Do you remember her having something?" Seven pairs of eyes turned to Kya's cup that was still on her desk. They explained that it was the only thing they saw her consume that day. The cup was taken for testing, and so was Janusz' bottle of liqueur. 

The results were communicated soon. The liqueur was harmless, and Kya's cup only had her fingerprints on it. But for some reason it had contained a lot of ibuprofen in powder form, which had dissolved in the liqueur. She died of overdose. People recalled how she mentioned it was bitter, but the liqueur wasn't. Nobody knew how the ibuprofen ended up there, but they all had observed how nothing on her desk was ever being cleaned. Police ruled it accidental death. It seemed that she had decided to store a lot of ibuprofen powder in a cup and then forgot about it. It was the stupidest death ever.

The seven reports gathered in a conference room. They looked unsettled. "The joke has gone too far", said Puck. "You told us the dose was harmless", said Lee. "How much did each of you dump in her cup?", asked Amelia. It turned out each had dumped two doses. "14 doses", said Kris thoughtful. "Still it should have been safe", said Steve. Janusz nodded. "Just a belly ache and some dizziness", said Jan, "as payback for all her crap".

Months later they had all moved on to other teams or other jobs, one by one. The new manager  wasn't able to convince the old team to stay in spite of all his efforts to make them feel comfortable. "They must have really loved this old manager who passed", he thought. "Without her, it seems their job was just not the same."