Helluva Deal

61. How To Declutter Fear

"Blitz..."

"Yes, my Life?"

"Do you...remember when you came here, after Stella scratched me across the face and I called you?"

"The time I said you need a drink to calm down your nerves and meant more my own with that? Of course," Blitz smiles lightly and caresses his partner's face.

"You...said that we should never talk about that night..."

"We can talk about it now as much as you like. I said that back then because I... I didn't dare to dream that we could ever have what we have now and... You know I tried to keep a safe distance... Rather unsuccessfully so, but yeah..." the imp smiles wryly and places a soft kiss onto the owl-demon's cheek.

Stolas exhales audibly and nuzzles his cheek against Blitz' now, "You were so, so incredible gentle that night..."

"You asked me to...as your reward..." Blitz chuckles softly and nuzzles him, relieved at sensing his husband's body slowly calming down again finally, "And you... Sto, I couldn't tell you back then of course, but you looked so, so beautiful that night. And the way you immediately let go of control and practically broke down crying beneath me..."

"...influencing you, so you did the same just seconds later..." Stolas actually manages a soft laugh now.

"And me sobbing that it was because of the alcohol!" Blitz laughs fully but still softly now, "That was so fucking ridiculous! But... Honestly, Sto, thanks for never talking about that again back then... Now it's funny to me, but a few months ago...I still couldn't have handled this."

"You are so wonderful, my Husband..." Stolas sniffs softly and nuzzles him again, another shiver running through his entire body again.

"Wonderful...and worried. You are still cold... You know what? You need a hot bubble bath! And afterwards breakfast in bed! Stay here, I'll prepare the bath and then..."

"Noooo..." Stolas whines softly, "YOU are the one who's supposed to save yourself after everything that has happened!"

"But I feel well. And don't worry, I'm not planning on doing much today. We'll have breakfast in bed and honestly, I don't plan on leaving this room today for anything but grabbing food and stuff. Today..." he cups his partner's face, smiling softly and pressing their foreheads together, caressing his cheeks, "...belongs to you, me and Astry. And to our big girls, if they feel like cuddling. But I'm not planning on any activities outside of this room. Okay? Sounds good, Husband?"

Stolas sniffs but nods stiffly, "O-Okay..."

"Good. Then I suggest you now focus on breathing and holding Astrea, while I draw us a nice bath. Sounds good?"

"S-Sounds good."

"Good!" Blitz softly kisses his forehead, then he jumps up from the bed and heads straight through the door, leading to Stolas' – their! – connected bathroom.

He leaves the door open to both reassure Stolas that he'd hear if anything was wrong, and also to hear if the owl-demon should get another fit.

But Blitz has mastered silent desperation and fear and is soon leaning onto the edge of the bathtub, covering his mouth, crying horribly.

Everything comes up again now. – The many times he almost lost Stolas already, with his partner barely clinging to life. How bad it hurt to watch Stolas suffer in silence and loneliness for years because Blitz wasn't brave enough to face his feelings for him. And how agonizing it was and still is to know how terrified his husband is for his imp.

For a split second, the words of his not-mother hallucination come back up. What if it's true? What if Stolas dies because of him because of heartbreak when he loses him someday to sickness or injury?!