shotaro, a shy, slightly emotionally disregulated boy has kept a small box of mints in his backpack. one day, the box runs out of mints, and he thought this would be a great opportunity to express his love for his longtime crush, park wonbin.
"i-" the poor boy's throat was constricting, the lump caught in it not letting him breathe. "taro, why?"
shotaro fought his own tears.
and then
"sungchan, it's been so hard." his breath hitched. "i'm scared because everything is sort of muffled and numb and awful and just plain exhausting and every trace of sadness i have i just overwrite as selfishness and i—you're the only thing that is keeping me from going insane."
his head, heavy with guilt, landed on sungchan's chest. the brunette can feel shotaro's fingers digging into his clothing that was probably stained with his best friend's own blood now.
sungchan wrapped his arms around shotaro, pulling him into a tight embrace as shotaro's tears flowed freely and puddled at the bathroom floor.
he held him close, worried that if he let go, shotaro would lose his life completely.
and he would have.
shotaro hiccuped, grateful to sungchan for his silent understanding.
i hate to put this pressure on you now, sungchan. it kills me from the outside in, tears me apart, but i promise, for the next year and even then on, you'll never have to carry this weight on your shoulders ever again. i love you, sungchan, and that's why i can't have you help me. you're my best friend, and i can't become too important to you in case one day i never come back. i'm sorry.
im aware that although i've made a significant impact on your life, you're my lifeline, chan. the only person i'll ever open up to this much. i doubt i hold as much status in your life, that's why i don't expect you to say sorry or i love you back. we're special best friends, chan. and i'm hoping that that special part will ensure that you'll be prepared for anything that happens to me. not to cry, but to understand.
—
sungchan jolted awake, beads of sweat stuck on his forehead. he blindingly reached for his phone, frantically opening the notes app.
he sighed. third time this has happened again this week. he tapped open the photos app, scrolling through his photos with his best friend.
shotaro...
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what in the world have you been hiding behind that smile? and now that you've got a new guy...
does that mean i can't stay as your lifeline anymore?
a/n: DAMN the book just got hella dark i see shotaro as the kinda person who looks at all of his friends with love in his eyes. he's so grateful to have them that he just adores them all.
