Ray of Light

❊ Chapter ten: February 3rd ❊

"But nothing! If you really loved me, you wouldn't let that man do the things he's done!"

"He hasn't even done anything that bad," mom feebly tried to protect her boyfriend. "It's not like he's assaulted you or raped you or anything."

I simply looked at my mom, eyes beginning to tear up.

"How would you know?" I asked in nothing much more than a whisper.

Her expression changed. It was dread.

"He hasn't... has he?" mom asked.

Wait, does she really care about you?

"No, but when I turn 16 he could argue that it was consented if I reported him to the cops," I replied, my tone softening slightly.

"Oh thank god," mom put her hand to her chest. "He could be put in jail, I couldn't handle it."

My gaze hardened again. Oh, right. She only thought of him. That fucking bastard. I turned back to my backpack and threw more things inside my bag, fury filling me. Not only that, but I felt let down by my own mother.

"If you want to help me," I started. "My bank card is downstairs."

"But Ray, that's your father's money..."

"That man is not my father, and no, it isn't his! It's the money I've earned from my job! The money he takes from me to pay stupid rent and for Jay to buy his stupid drugs!"

This sudden outburst seemed to subdue my mom's feeble arguments about David.

"I'll go get you your bank card," came my mother's quiet response.

I listened to her leave and close the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps as she descended down the stairs, then I listened to her ascend the stairs again.

"Here."

I snatched the bank card from her and slotted it into my small purse.

"I'll be gone in a few minutes," I told mom as I was aware she was still here.

"Let me help you pack," she offered, stumbling over her words slightly.

"It's done mom!" I snapped, putting the purse in my bag and zipping it up.

Going over to the hook behind my door, I grabbed my coat and put it on, before unplugging my phone.

"Ray, just apologise to David and give him the money he wants and he might not kick you out," mom pleaded. "We need you."

I scoffed as I put my bag over my shoulder.

"Yeah, for money and someone to take your anger out on!" I snapped.

My shoes were already on, so I didn't need to bother putting them on as I walked out of my bedroom.

"Ray please, I love you!"

I turned to face my mom, a sudden feeling of sadness overcoming me.

"Then why didn't you ever protect me?" I asked in barely more than a whisper. "The last time we ever did anything together I was 5."

"I messed up, I know... But I do love you Ray..."

"Do you mom? Do you?"

She stayed silent and looked away as tears brimmed in her eyes. I couldn't figure out whether she was sad I was leaving, or something else.

"I've spent over 10 years looking after myself. Protecting myself from you, Jay and David."

"Why me?"

"Because you never protected me!" I yelled. "Mom, I was a little kid! You don't just let your 5 year old daughter fend for herself in an abusive household!"

Mom was too shocked to speak.

"If you really cared about me, or loved me, you would've protected me."

"Ray, I'm in love with David," mom protested.

"Okay, and?" I demanded. "Who's been in your life longer? Who did you carry inside of you for nine months? Who did you raise single handedly after dad left?"

"You Ray, and you've always been my first priority," mom replied, trying desperately to protect herself from my wrath.

She approached me and held her hands out. Out of instinct, I flinched backwards. Her face changed to shock and realisation. Before she could speak, I snapped, "You're a shit mom. I never want to see you again. So don't come looking."

I turned and ran down the stairs. I grabbed a set of keys off the hook beside the front door and unlocked the door. Without stopping to look around my childhood home, I stepped outside and slammed the door behind me, before pushing the keys through the letterbox. Tears threatening to fall from my eyes and emotion swelling up in me, I walked down the drive in the dark. Steam came from my mouth every time I exhaled a shaky breath. As soon as I turned the corner onto the main road, I burst into silent tears.