Love Me, Mikayla

XIII

How beautiful she is, just like this moon. Poet or not, the moon can't be resisted by anyone. So she is. Irresistible. Eyes can't stay away from her and she holds breath even being oblivious to it.

What a cruel beauty she is. As beautiful as a rose, covered by lethal thorns. Enchanting is every look of hers, hurt is upon those who wish to have a hold.

I don't know what's the will of God that He gave her to me to hold. I know I'm going to bleed because as willing as God was wanting to give her to me, I too, like a fool, agreed upon holding her, too lost to look upon the thorns. I still overlook it.

Said she's enchanting, didn't I?

Among many lovers of her beauty, I stand one somewhere in the corner but I'm sure I'm different from the rest of else she wouldn't have been given to me.

What my Lord saw in me is still a mystery to me. It is only my reaction that I am aware of, that whenever she is in front of me, she arrests my breath and holds me captive. I stand in awe of her beauty and even then, I question God; how did You make her? What special kind of soil did He use when he made her? How differently did His fingers slide over her features to make a difference?

She doesn't know but she makes me think of my Savior and if the creation alone is this beautiful, how more the Creator will be?

"Are you going to remind me continuously that now I'm married?" I ask the One Who listens to me, no matter what. "Don't," I whisper as I lean back and sigh.

The swing moves back in a sweet harmony and my foot touching the ground controls its movements.

"She is beautiful but she's hurting, too," I say, "And You heard what she said to me, right? That she'll divorce me. She said this relationship is suffocating. Living with me is suffocating her." I swallow, taking a deep breath. "Why does she hate me, Father?"

The movement of a soft breeze is in the atmosphere. The stars twinkle. The moon is unable to contain its shine and though everything is beautiful, I feel hollow.

My plea is heard, I know that, and I'll wait for the answer.

"I remember each word that she said to me. Now hear my plea, my Lord God, so that I won't stumble in this relationship." I put my hand on my chest, my hand trembling a bit. "Give me patience like Jesus, so that in everything, I always remain on my wife's side. No matter how much she tries to test me, let Your Spirit hold me from taking a wrong step. Each morning, You fill me with new hope, and each night remind me that I can do better."

A feeling of agreement and a tap on my shoulder makes me say more because that's not where she ended.

"Everything that she pays me for the love and respect that I'll give to her, let it come to break me if it's by Your side. If it's by You, I'll say yes, even if it's a death sentence because, in everything You do, I know, God, that You're merciful. Falling in Your hands will be a bliss to me."

The look she gave me like she'll chew me raw is still in my memories. The hatred was burning in those dark eyes.

"If she wants to break my heart, let it be so until she's satisfied but may the pain bring me close to You. The deeper the grief will be to me, the closer Your presence will be around me. In return for a heartbreak, give her the knowledge of Your unfailing love. Open her eyes, God, and make her see what she's missing. Even for the damaged heart of mine, pay her with the joy of realization. For each tear that she'll give me, may You count it to bless me with her love. May I be someone chosen by You to bring her close to You. Let me not stumble, let me not get tired. Hold me when I fail, lift me with Your victorious hand. Never let me get so weary that I decide to end this relationship. It's my will to obey You, Lord, may You respect it. Make her see, make her heart beat for me, make her love me, God."