keeping secrets

choices

I sat in the hospital bed waiting for the doctor to return, dad left to go to the cafeteria to get some coffee .
Raped, I had Been raped. I couldn't remember any of it, anything at all. I was now truly what mother always thought of me, a whore, a slut. What was going to happen when she found out that I not only lost my virginity but I was pregnant too? Would she kick me out? Would she send me away? Or would I be a prisoner in my own home? How was I to be a mother when I was still a child myself not to mention already taking care of eigtht other children.
And what about the guys? What would they think once they found out I was pregnant? Would they stop being my friend? I had so many thoughts and they bounced around In my head.
A few moments later dad returned with a coffee in one hand and something else in the other. " Here," he said handing me the Styrofoam cup. "Hot chocolate."
"Thank you," I said reaching out with both hands and grasping the warm cup, and putting it to my lips to blow into the steamy cup, to cool it down a bit, before taking a sip. Their was a knock on the door before it swung open and a nurse popped her head in, "Dr Lee was called down to the trauma ward he won't be back up here tonight, they called in another doctor he will be in shortly." The nurse said before leaving and closing the door.
"Dad..."
"It's okay Mia, we'll figure everything out, but I have to ask...'"
"I didn't know!" I cried out, hysterically. "I didn't know, I mean I knew something had happened but...I don't remember!"tears were running down my face, my face turning red and blotchy as hot tears streaked down my cheeks.
"Shh, shh,shh, Mia, that's not what I was going to ask." My dad said putting his coffee down on the counter and reaching for my face as he cradled it in his hands, wiping away some of my tears with his thumbs  " I want to know what you're going to do."
"Do?" I asked for sniffling confused.
"Are you going to aborted it, keep it give it up for adoption?" He asked as he swept my hair back from my face.
"No! I don't want an abortion!" I said, hunching over and wrapping my arms protectively around my stomach. " I'm going to keep it, or them."
"Do you know what you're saying?" He asked gently.
I nodded, even though I was raped it wasn't the babies fault, and I don't want to just give him/her away and feel like they were unwanted. No this was my baby.
"Okay Mia, okay."
Gently I removed my arms from around my mid section and looked at my dad.
"Are you angry?" I whispered.
" I'm angry... But not at you, the situation is what I'm angry about...about what happened to you." He said leaning back into his seat. " This shouldn't have happened at this camp you were at."
"Oh!" I said gasping, " that reminds me, I ran into Mr. Mancini today at school, he's one of the chairman from the camp, he said he was going to call you about refunding you the money for camp."
"Why?" He asked wearily.
"There was a mix up in my lodging and they ended up putting me in a different camping section under a different member."
"Do you think..."
I shook my head, knowing where his thought process was going.
"No, he was a gentleman the whole time, and the other kids were way younger than me."
Something shifted in my mind, before I could think of anything else on it, it was gone as soon as it came. A knock sounded at the door, swinging open a boy with blond hair, green eyes and a familiar smile came hobbling in.
"Hello, wee bird." His Irish accent is filtering though the room. "Aye must be Mr. Bailey, I'm Dr. Fin. I've been put in charge of your case, by Dr Lee, though he's not my supervisor, so I'll be havin a wee word with the ole boyo."
Dad stood up and shook hands with the good doctor. "Your're not go'n to ask me about my age?"  Fin asked.
My dad shrugged, " you've got a white coat on, I'm sure your capable, and smart enough if you've got the coat."
"Aye." Dr fin said smiling, " you, got your self a nice ole one you do." He said to me winking.
I let out a slight giggle. My dad smiled at that.
"Right, I've heard what's happened, I'm sorry wee bird, if theirs anything I can do to help, let me know." He said turning his gaze to my da " Now than, sir, I know she's a minor and I'm sure you want her to have a decision, but your the parent, have you talked on what she wants to do. It's her body."
My dad smiled again, I wasn't sure why this time." It is her body and as much as I would like to make the decision for her I can't, she wants to keep the baby."
"Aye, well let's set you up to see a ob-gyn and let's get you set up to take some prenatal vitamins." Fin said grabbing my file to update it. " Do you have a primary doctor here?" He asked me.
I shook my head. "Okay I can find someone for you."
"Can you do it?" I asked nervously.
"You want me?"
I nodded.
"Are you sure lassie?"
I nodded again, he looked at my father. " I have no complaints as long as she's comfortable," dad said crossing his arm but looked at me from his seat. " It's going to be a long few months, are you sure?" Dad asked looking me in the eye. "You'll be able to handle it with your other responsibilities?"
"Yes."
"Okay than."
"Alright lassy, let's get you set up for an ultra sound and than I'll discharge you." Fin said. I was happy I was able to choose my doctor, DR. Fin was good at what he does and I and I was comfortable around him and I think he knew I needed some kind of control.
Fin still wanted to be around me, but did that mean the others would too?
We finally left the hospital around four in the morning, arriving home I went straight to my room and layed down exhausted. I would worry about everything else tomorrow, I was asleep before my head hit my pillow.