Never the one Never mine | VSOO

An End?

*Agar Ishq Se Hai Mila
Fir Dard Se Kya Gila
Iss Dard Mein Zindagi
Khush Haal Hai

Yeh Dooriyan Filhaal Hain

Ho Ho Khairiyat Puchon
Kabhi To Kaifiyat Puchon
Tumhare Bin Deewane Ka
Kya Haal Hai*

Khairiyat from Chhichhore

________________________

"I'll never leave" 

Was this going to be true?

Or was it just fake as everyone said?

Jisoo had exams and the cramming was all getting to her.

Her skin looked bad, she didn't know what she ate, she didn't drink water well, and was lately dying.

With the first exam being her weakest subject, she was terrified, and no one helped.

Or she was just too shy to ask,

probably that.

Jisoo was all done revising and studying, but still felt like something was off, nothing really was, it was just her self-doubt.

It was less than one day before her exam, she was shivering, and shaking in fear, she was scared of how she would write it.

And while she told everyone she was purposely being sick, she wasn't, she knew she would get sick at this time, it was always her getting sick at this time, but she didn't want anyone to care.

She was trying to disconnect them all, and she thought it worked, but in the end, she was the one getting more and more attached to them. 

She was gonna be hurt in the end, everyone knew it, they would all get busy in their life, no one was gonna entertain her forever, and she knew it but still got attached to them, she still over-shared with them, now she was scared.

What if they do something bad?

What if they just leave?

Would they all become strangers with memories?

Will she end up like the same thing she was last year? did she change? wasn't she colder and acted less?

Well, whatever she was still a fake.

Just a fake.

Well, studying without coffee wasn't a good idea, she fell asleep on her book and now her cheekbone hurt real bad, but she didn't have any other option than to study.

She needed the marks, she wanted to show that to her family, who never really cared, but still.

While she was studying, she realized, she wasn't really talking a lot to her friends.

Jennie was busy studying, she was smart but not smart, but she was good, and had her future set.

Jungkook was busy but in touch with her gf jennie.

And Taehyung at this point was busy studying and was ignoring Jisoo, well that's what she thought...

She was sad but didn't wanna talk, she didn't wanna talk to anyone, She wanted loneliness, just like the old times, all alone, happy in lonely.

She wasn't going to be as good as she was back then, but she could try, right? 

Right.

She could try.

Hopefully becoming that one again.

Leaving this shit.

Everyone told her to stop dwelling onto the past,

but what if the past was in her,

You can take the girl out of the trauma, but you can't take the trauma out of the girl.

All that happened in the past was all over her mind, heart, and body. 

All those Scars were all on her, they wouldn't go away, and nor would the pain.

It would never go away.

Everyone said Jisoo always had high standards and everything, without knowing even the smallest thing could make her smile, cry, or rage.

She remembered once when her best friend shared a cute post, she actually cried over it, not just for some minutes but for the whole night, she was touched and got reassurance knowing at least someone cared and was there for her.

Reassurance is all that she ever needed, many times, telling her someone was there, that made her happy.

But while She found peace in her tears, and cold.

Why did she like the warm presence of him?

And over the top, That boy who called her a brat, out of everyone else, it was him.

Wasn't he the spoiled one? He didn't have even a single right to say that she was the spoiled brat. 

She hated being called that, but what could she do? He didn't even know her.

Or he acted like he didn't.

Why did he come right at night? And the names he called her? Why did he even care? Caring for her was okay but why did he not care about anyone else, only her?

Was he trying to play with her?

Or was it all in her head?

She liked it,

She enjoyed the company.

Sometimes she thought why did she not talk to them before,

then it hit her,

because they leave.

Everyone does.

"Ughh studying, people, and everything is going to kill me now," She said out loud, She was alone but didn't feel lonely, yes her thoughts still did haunt her like crazy, but she tried not to let them hurt her,

which didn't work.

That was shown on her hand which had red, big scars, from burning herself.

Did it hurt? A bit.

Did she like it? A lot.

She was like that, her emotions came out physically, and she possibly couldn't turn into her dad and hurt people around her,

So she hurt herself.

Never really thought a lot about it, it was just another scar, and habit for her.

Many of her friends and people tried asking her if she was fine, while she denied it to everyone,

No she was not fine, and she didn't want to talk to anyone, she wanted to scream.

They say its a phase, but a phase shouldn't leave lifelong scars on her, they shouldn't reflect on her body, or mind, but it all affected her.

It had been many days, she thought, she wanted to talk to Taehyung, But he didn't message her first, and nor did she.

She was angry about him not messaging.

It was like she was addicted to him.

Well she was, and probably had no escape.

But she felt like he was trying to leave, and didn't want to talk.

Did he really not want to talk?

Whatever he was trying, kept hurting her deeply, 

She wanted a message, and she knew it might be the last conversation,

but she didn't want it to end.

Was it all coming to an end?

Wasn't it just the start? Where did the past go? 

Did they really not want to talk?

Was it the end or another start?