The Hermitcraft Plays

6: The inevitable return of Scariah Carey

'Right, for the song, we start with the same stage as the previous scene. Cub, you walk over to that block there, sit down and- perfect!' Joe beamed as Cub successfully looked sad and rejected. 'And, the backing starts...' Oli started playing the backing to the song, a slow, sad, ballad. Cub opened the lyric book Martyn gave him and started singing.

'Since I was young, I yearned for adventure... I once hoped to save my home... on a quest just begun, something...'

'Anyone part of the chorus in this song! Start changing the set into being like a bar!' Joe whispered as Cub started singing verse two. Half the cast obediently shuffled onstage.

'...and forests to roam. And every day it grows... but that's not how my story goes.'

'Wooooo!' Scar cheered on his friend's surprisingly good singing.

'Can't they say, aren't you great, Cub-han.' Oli's pianoing picked up. 'we can't wait, Cub-han, for you to return from your quest...' Cub stood up, wandering around the front of the stage. 'You're a star, Cub-han, you and Scar, Cubhan, you really are the best!'

'Scar, onstage! Your lines!'

'What- oh- yeah!'

Scar sprinted onstage to where Cub was sat back on his seat which was now a bar table.

'We're all packed to go, Cub!' he called in a slightly-clunky transition to dialogue. 'All our bags and cloaks and everything ready.'

'To go where? Cassie's got the quest.'

'Oh well, we can't go... We're all packed and can slip out the back of the town whenever we want.'

'What?!' Grian called from sitting doing nothing at the back of the stage. 'Surely that's not your line!'

'Uhh... Oh! Why can't we go, we're all packed and blah, blah, blah I just did that line... Cub?'

'What?'

'It's your line.'

'That is my line.'

'Ohhhhh! Sorry! We can sneak out in the middle of the night. I mean... A big strong adventurer like you wouldn't stay here.'

'No one thinks I'm a big-'

'wHy do we hAVe dreams, if weEEeeEe can't live theeEEeEem... wHy cAN't our drEaMs cOoooOMe trUuUuuUueee?' Scar sung with far too much confidence for a man so off-key he was inventing notes. Cub winced. 'WheeEEn peeOoOple scReaM can't we come to hEelP tHEEEem?!' In the background, Oli was desperately trying to fit the instrumental to whatever rhythm Scar was trying and failing to do.

'AND EVERYONE COME IN FOR THE CHORUS!' Joe decided.

'Oh-oh aren't you great, Cub-han!' The chorus sung with vague confidence. 'we can't wait, Cub-han, for you to return from your quest...' Joe was yelling actions. Scar was forced to the front of the stage for a dance-solo they hadn't gone over. 'You're a star, Cub-han, you and Scar, Cubhan, you really are the best!'

'The greatest in the town...' Grian sung/spoke.

'The hero we longed for!' xB finished, excited.

'Your talent and knowledge perplexes!' Beef actually sung really well.

'Your talent all around.'

'The hero we adore-ore!' Keralis spoke while failing the rhythm.

'And everyone!'

'But why would someone so well loved, be a con who always vexes?' Cub sang. Scar giggled at the reference.

'Oh, oh, oh-'

'Pause!' Joe called. 'Let's start with the dance number for this chorus. It's very simple... On the first line, get into 3 lines of 7, except Cub and Scar who are at the front. So... Try that? And first line, go.'

The only person who did anything was Scar, who started singing.

'OOH-ooOh you're thE best Cub-han... Better than the rest Cubhan... I don't know the words... Or tune... But you're cooo-OoO-OoOOOL!'

'WOOO! Scariah! Keep going!' Oli called, playing the closest chord he could to the right one 'You sound amazing, you sweet, sweet angel!'

'You're... So... GreEAat! Cu-u-Ub-han! Youuuu are amoyziiIIIiNg! OooOooOh-oOOoh! CuUUub! Your building is cool! You're great at redstone too! Cub's the beEeeSt! He's great at pranks... He's the best aAaaat... pranks...'

'Scar, enough. No one wants your singing!'

'ShhUUUuuuUUu-UUUuUuu-UUUUUtt uUUuPpp jOOoeeElll!!! CuUUuuuUb is greater than yOoOuuU will EVer bEeEee! CUUUUU-uuuub didn't kIIiiiiIiIIIIiiillLlLlll the Jellie PaaaAaAaAAandAaaaAaAaS in doUubLe lIiIIfe!'

'SCAR you CAN'T SING!'

'HOoOw dare you... That made me sAaAad... Annyyway JOoooOOOe how does the REEEeeeAaaAaL song gOooOOOOooo?'

'Thank you, Scar...' Joe sighed. 'Now... Everyone when singing the first line of the song, get into 3 lines on the stage of 7, though the middle line will have 6... NO! Scar, you stay with Cub at the front of the stage.'

'I can't dance.'

'I don't care. And... Second line, stand so you're visible between the two people in front of you. So... False, you see that gap there between Zed and Tango, stand in line with- yes! That's perfect! And the rest of you... Now, on the first line of the song, get into these lines... Remember who you were standing next to.'

'I'm next to Cub.' Scar explained helpfully. 'At the front of the stage where everyone can see me messing up...'

'Nah, you won't mess up.' Cub put an arm around his friend. 'I believe in you, man.'

'Really?'

'Yeah.'

'And from the start of the chorus... Go!'

'Oh-oh aren't you great Cub-han?' The hermits sang, failing to find the right places to stand. Joe continued anyway, explaining the various arm movements and turns and steps to the side they'd be making on particular lines. And then Oli mentioned writing a harmony, which Joe got incredibly excited at, getting him to explain it.

'So, while half of you are singing the tune, the other half... The... Back row? And half the 2nd row? Yeah. You sing 'aren't you great Cub-han.' Oli sung the lower harmony. The back row sung it. After a few more attempts to learn the whole chorus's harmony, they were confident enough to bring in the regular tune and forget it immediately, singing off-key and sounding horrible.

'Sounds like Scariah Carey's kind of harmony...' Tango joked. 'Give us another song, Scariah!'

'With a woof and a purr a baby was born Cat-dog CAAaaAAAT-DAAAAWWWG! Alone in the world-'

'That's enough, Scar. Save your voice for your solos.'

'He has another?!'

'You end the song with a long, crazy line about all of Cub's talents.' Martyn explained. 'You sing... 'he's the greatest, the best, so amazing and tall and his talent surpasses the rest of us all there's just one guy, one man, you should all be a fan of the one, the only, the legend, the greatest of all Cub-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann!'' Oli finished with a big dramatic chord as Martyn regained the use of his lungs after singing it all one breath. Scar turned slightly pale.

'I... have to sing that?'

'Yep!' Oli sounded excited. Joe grimaced.

'Start practicing now...'

Poor Scar-