The Hermitcraft Plays

5: The Hermit Moosical

Shout out to my drama-club teacher for the vocal exercises in this.

'Jevin?' Joe called as he entered the hermit's house, following on from the second rehearsal. The second rehearsal where Jevin had not attended. 'Jevin, you're missing rehearsals!'

'Oh notch... hey Joe.' Jevin appeared, arms crossed. 'What's up?'

'Your absence rate.'

'Absence? From your musical? Yeah, that's intentional.'

'Why?!' Joe defended. 'Your absence makes no sense!'

'Joe, I don't want to be bossed around by you for 2 months and just make you more miserable and annoyed at me doing nothing. So I decided I wouldn't take part in your musical.'

'What about the design team? You can make the set, or the theatre...'

'I'm focused on my base, man! Not your play! I'm fine not being part of the Hermit Musical. Goodbye.'

'But- Jevin- everyone else is part of the musical!'

'Good for them. Listen, man. I don't want to be part of the Hermit Musical, so I'm not going to be part of the Hermit Musical. It's as simple as that. I'll watch it, but I won't take part in it.'

'You don't need to do much! I just want this to be a community project everyone enjoys! Even if you don't want to act, or dance, or sing, you can still do some redstone to make the lighting work, or design the theatre, or set, or gather resources for the play...'

'Actually... I have been setting some stuff,' Jevin turned back to Joe, who perked up.

'Have you? What set have you...?'

'I've set low expectations of myself. Goodbye.'

The next morning Joe arrived first, followed by Martyn and Oli.

'I hear you've finished the 2nd song?'

'The Ballad of Cub-han?'

'Yeah, that one. Can you go through it today?'

'Sure.'

'Heya dudes! What's up?' Ren called as he landed.

'Howdy, Ren! Listen, I have an idea.'

'Yeah? What's that?'

'Can you run a singing warm up for the hermits?'

'Why not us?!' Martyn protested.

'Because... I trust Ren more.'

'Of course, dude! Oli, can I yoink your piano to do it?'

'Feel free, my fine furry-eared friend.' Oli stepped away from the piano, signalling dramatically to it. Ren took his place, practicing a few chords.

'My fellow thespians!' he called when all the actors had arrived. 'We'll be doing a vocal warm up! Everyone, please hum for me!'

Some of the group, namely xB, Pearl, Etho, Mumbo and Wels, started up an obedient 'hmmmmmmmmmm'. Beef, team ZITS and False started pretending to be villagers. Joel hummed All-Star. Grian hummed Never Gonna Give You Up. Hypno hummed Megalomania. Cub hummed the TCG song on loop. Scar's obedient 'mmmmmm' repeatedly faltered and went to a different note until it accidentally turned into a car noise and he added occasional car-horn noises. Cleo asked why Ren thought they'd listen to him and refused to hum. Then Martyn, on Oli's request, started humming 'real slim shady' and he rapped his own version.

'That is- not what I expected... but I probably should've... everyone! Everyone listen up! Dudes!'

The group stopped humming at Ren's request, but Oli didn't stop rapping about the Real Jim Sheriff until he was finished. Ren gave a polite applause.

'Uhh... well done. What I wanted was this.' Ren hummed normally. The Hermits all joined in with vastly different notes in a wonderful bee choir. 'Now... Stop. And breathe in... Then hold... then out to that same hum... Perfect dudes! And... In, 2, 3, 4, hold, 2, 3, 4 and hum, 2, 3, 4, 5...' Ren kept counting, all the way to 16, as Scar progressively grew more and more desperate for air, stopping humming around 13 and gasping for breath when Ren allowed them to breathe.

'Did you forget the 'in, 2, 3, 4 bit', Scar?' Grian asked. 'It's quite important.'

Meanwhile, Cub and Joel were still in an unspoken competition of who could hum the longest, even as Ren was telling them to turn their hums into a 'mmmoooooooooo!'. About a minute later, Joel gave up, spluttering for breath. Cub continued, unfazed.

'Has Cub forgotten how to breathe?' Tango asked. 'Cubby? You doing alright there?'

Cub gave a thumbs up, still humming.

'Uhh... Should I wait or...'

'Just continue...' Joe sighed.

'Right! In for 4, hold for 4, out to a moo!' Ren explained.

'...a moo?'

'And, breathe in, 2, 3, 4, hold, 2, 3, 4 and moo 2, 3, 4...'

None of the hermits did the right thing. Cub was still on his original hum, several hermits just went 'moo?', Martyn started immitating a cow, and team ZITS started up a fast, confident 'moo- moo-moo-moo-moo', that quickly became a chant shared by the whole group except Cub, still humming, Joe and Ren.

'Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo!'

'That's- not what- ok... Can we do that higher?' some Hermits correctly switched to a higher note. Others started building up one block every 'moo', which was when Cub joined in, building out of diamond blocks.

'Another NOTE higher?' Ren yelled to the ascended hermits.

'WHAT'S A NOTE? MOO! MOO! MOO!'

'You want us to build from noteblocks?! Moo! Moo! Moo!' Grian joined in. Ren buried his head in his hands as Oli started up a groovy beat on noteblocks for the moos.

'No!' Ren found his own notebook to get them all in pitch. The hermits obediently, and probably unconsciously, started switching their moo chant to a higher note whenever Ren did.

'Cub!' Joel called from his pillar in the same high note as Ren was playing. 'Bet I can moo longer than you!'

'Moo off! Moo off!' The nearby xB switched the chant to. Oli reclaimed his piano, playing a dramatic backing behind as Cub and Joel prepared for their moo-off.

'Ok!' Bdubs approached to referee the mooing. 'On 3, 2, 1...'

'MooooOooOOOOooooOooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOoooooooooOoOoOooooOoooOOOOOOOO!'

'Mooo-OOOOOOO-'

Joel immediately went too loud, and simultaneously ran out of air and started laughing and he was left coughing, defeated.

'Can we focus again?' Joe pleaded. 'Just... Let Ren finish his warm up and then we can continue work on the Hermit musical.'

'No, no, I think the hermit moosical is going very well.' Martyn replied. Everyone was celebrating Cub's victory in the moo off, including Keralis saying he made a 'Lovely cow, Cubby!'

'No more cows!'

'I think we need to celebrate all of Cowb's successes.' Zedaph decided.

'No!'

'What?!' Scar gasped. 'You don't think we should tell Cub he's doing well?!'

'Wait, Scar, is cOW-ooooooo here? Grian suddenly remembered. Scar burst out laughing.

'Scar, the song will literally be you singing all of Cub's successes!'

'Wait, really?!' Scar focused on Joe again. 'You should've said sooner!' He quickly broke down his dirt pillar. 'Clear the stage, clear everything up!'

'And get ready for the return of Scariah Carey...'

...also shout out that same teacher for 'moo offs'.

They are an actual thing where you and another person are on all 4s facing each other and have to make each other laugb first by only going 'moo'. I have witnessed and been part of and they are amoozing.