New Girl in Town

Chapter 34

There's a shaky sort of truce between me and Marco since the other night. We tiptoe around each other, like we were doing in the beginning. But it's so fucking lonely—days spilling into each other, endless aches that can't be filled, wondering what Jennie's doing, if she ever thinks about me.

When Blake calls me to hang out, I'm spiraling down into what-ifs again, and I promised myself I wouldn't, so I tell her to pick me up. This time, I actually tell Marco where I'm going. That truce and all. I'm trying to be responsible.

I don't want him to be scared I'm going to swirl down into the dark like Mom. Figuring this out was ... not great. I shouldn't care how he feels or if he worries. But he keeps trying and I don't have anyone else. So I kind of have to try a little, too, I think.

"I'm going out, okay?"

He looks up from the couch, where he's sorting through records.

"Where?"

"My friend Blake's; she lives out by the creek. She's picking me up."

"Okay. Be home by midnight."

"Have fun with your records."

"Do I detect sarcasm?"

"I mean, it's kind of old-fashioned, isn't it?" His record player has its own little case in the living room next to his guitars.

"Classic, Lisa," he says. "It's classic."

"I'll take your word for it."

"I could play you some—"

"Oh God, you're not going to make me listen to your old-guy music, are you?"

He laughs. "I have never felt so uncool. 'Old-guy' music?"

"I dunno what you like!"

He shakes his head, looking mortally offended and deeply amused.

Outside, a horn honks.

"That's Blake," I say.

"Go have fun. We'll talk music some other time. You can have me listen to what you like, okay?"

"You won't get any of it," I tell him very sincerely.

"I might surprise you," he says.

As if, I think, but before heading out, I give him a little wave to keep up the peace.

Blake opens the passenger door from the inside for me before I can reach for it.

"Hey."

I have a plan this time. I've spent a few days agonizing over it: how shitty I felt for thinking about Jennie when I was with Blake. I can't pull that again.

I need to get to know Blake beyond her being a little weird and a lot loud. That's what you do, right? Just, spend time with a girl and get to know her? It's like I'm triple-guessing myself now, tinged by everything with Jennie.

There's still no road map.

"Have you always lived out here?" I ask, as we head back toward her house, windows open, the fresh scent of hay in the air from the semitruck in front of us carrying a whole load of the stuff.

"Yeah, my mom inherited the house. It's been in my family forever. The only thing my grandpa didn't gamble off."

I don't know what to say to that. That sucks? Because it seems like it probably does. But at least they still have the house? Life's little twists, even when some of it's good, some of it's bad.