Playing with Devils

Twenty-Three

"Mal–"

"Do not say that name," I hissed, forcing myself to take deeper breaths.

"Reaper," she said quietly. "I am not asking this on his behalf. I need someone high up on the inside. Someone who knows what's really at stake. I know what you want. And I know who you want to share it with. I can help you get it."

My eyes traveled back to Coralynn, who now laid on her side with her back towards us. She had curled her body tighter to help warm herself up.

"And what happens to her," I ask quietly.

"They'll have her," she answered. "But only until we can gather up enough alliances to help us fight."

I shut my eyes. I hated the idea of leaving her again. I hated it more than I could even put into words.

"You're going to kill me aren't you," I breathed.

She remained silent for a few moments. Then she spoke. "Yes."

I swallowed hard. "I can't catch a fucking break," I said with a shaky laugh. "All my life has been a consistent stream of bad breaks and shitty deals. I guess tonight is no different."

"I am truly sorry," she said, her voice softening. "I know what it means to leave the one you love behind."

"As long as this works," I said, inhaling deeply again, "you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just throwing myself a pity party because I can."

She laughed softly. "As one does when confronted with such things."

"You're young," I blurted. "How old are you?"

"Just turned two millenia," she sighed. "But I feel like I've lived over a hundred."

I could imagine.

The life of an agent within the Core was intense. And she was so young. I wondered what she had to do to find herself among the elite. I would imagine it mirrored what I had done to climb  to the top.

"If I agree to do this," I said. "All I ask is that you protect her with your life."

The agent nodded reassuringly. "Of course," she said. "I swear on my life."

I nodded. "Alright," I sighed, laying my head back against the stone and shutting my heavy eyelids. "Do it."

Then I let myself slip into nothingness. Savoring the feel of disconnecting from my body and just floating away in the void provided by my shut eyelids. But something changed. It quickly became something else.

A vision of what could have been.

I was there, holding her limp body in my arms– my teeth still deep in her neck. A pool of black blood dripping from her dangling fingertips.

I hadn't been able to stop. I had allowed it to win. I had allowed it to kill her.

We had come so close to this reality.

I pulled away from her neck, eyes blackened like a predator that reflected an eerie light back at me. And I hissed. I actually fucking hissed. I was an animal. Everything that made me sentient was gone.

All that remained was the hunger.

I just looked at myself.

This is what I truly was at my core– an animal driven by the instinct to kill. I was staring directly at my future. If our plans fell through– if I couldn't stop this, I just knew deep down that this is what I'd become.

How could I fear death when this could be my reality? This was worse than death. Surviving, but not living. Not feeling.

Coralynn made me feel.

She frustrated me. She perplexed me. She challenged me. None of which had anyone else done before. She was the first of her kind. A rare bird. And it confused the fuck out of me in the beginning.

Coralynn was supposed to be afraid. She was supposed to tremble at my presence. But even on that very first night we had her pinned, she was... unflinching. That protection spell was nearly impenetrable. If Levi hadn't come up with the idea of slipping quietly in and out of her mind, she would have been untouchable.

Three weeks ago, all I wanted was to get to her. Now all I wanted was to get away. Because living with even the slightest possibility that I could cause her harm was too high a risk. It was a gamble I would never place a bet on.

I opened my eyes. The dim light over head filled my vision.

Coralynn still slept. It wasn't a peaceful looking sleep. Her body shook slightly from the chill of this death filled space.

I got to my feet and quietly stepped towards her, lowering into a crouch before her sleeping form. She still looked pale. She still looked weak.

"Coralynn," I whispered gently. "It's time to wake up, love."

She stirred, brows knitting together slightly before cracking open a molten gold eye.

"I don't want to go," she mumbled.

"I know," I said softly, carefully reaching out and pushing back some hair that had fallen over her face while she tossed and turned. "But this is for the best."

She shook her head, sleep weighing down her movements.

Seeing her like this made me want to experience what waking up beside her would be like. It made me want to experience a slow morning where we'd just curl into the blankets together— bodies tangling because just being close wasn't enough. We'd ditch the checklists and just... be.

Just exist.

I tried to rid my head of that dream. Because dreams are often times more cruel than nightmares. One takes away. The other frees.

The feeling of loss when I'd wake up from a dream where my mother was alive and with me only to discover it was all a lie, hurt. It hurt so badly. For once I just wanted those dreams to remain with me after I opened my eyes.

"Coralynn," I said again. "I know you don't want to go but you have people to look out for and this is the only way you can help them."

She groaned, rubbing her eyes.

"I should be looking out for you too," she whispered. "But you won't let me."

"You've done enough for me," I said, gratitude filling the sound of my voice. "I should never have suggested for you to let me feed from you. It was too risky."

"I wasn't about to watch you bleed out," she said, finally beginning to lift herself up. "I happen to like you."

She was teasing me. But there was something genuine about the way she said those words that relieved some of the heaviness from my chest.

"No take backs," I chuckled softly. "You're stuck with me till the end."

Whenever that would be. Whether it be only an hour or until god himself decided to finally rid the universe of our existence, I was hers.

Always hers.

Her lips curved a bit, a slight twinkle forming in her eyes.

"Stuck isn't how I would describe this," she said softly. "I have always felt trapped— even lost. But I have never been more sure about my place in this world than when I met you."

A pang of guilt rattled through me. I was running scared— hiding from this like I had once done as a child. Even if it was a strategic retreat, it made me no less a coward.

"Whatever happens in there," I swallowed, "promise me you'll keep fighting."

That twinkle died. Her beautiful face had become something tragic. The expression cut me deep.

"Only if you do the same," she said, her voice cracking suddenly. "Try to stay alive."

With those words, I swore to myself that I would never play another game at her expense. This was it.

My final hand.

I was cashing out. I would barely survive this. I doubted I'd have any more luck if I tried it again. It was time to fold. I had long overstayed my welcome at this table.

I let myself smile. "Deal."