invasato [h.s]

74: 'Flower'

"Uhm." I stammer, looking at my painting.

Silence.

It's like I can feel his eyes burning into me.

"I went through a lot as I completed this...and about midway through, I realized what this meant to me. To me, this painting represents the loss of innocence." I explain, "Whether the innocence is grown out of or unwillingly stripped away, I guess that's up to your interpretation."

Looking at the dying lilly flowers and the willow tree, I feel emotions that I can't pinpoint. Sadness...anger, maybe.

Regret. Shame. Limerence. Pining. More Shame. Guilt.

The emotions lead my eyes to one other set across the room, the only other set of eyes that could possibly understand the meaning of my painting.

I look straight at Harry.

"This piece is titled, 'Flower'."

The oblivious crowd begins to clap, but not Harry. He just looks back at me with hurt in his eyes, while the rest of his face held a serious gaze.

I don't know why he's here. To take me back? To finish the job he began with?

All I know is that I can't bare to stay on this stage any longer. I remain calm as I hand the mic to Bianchi and head back through the curtain.

I'm congratulated and praised and I plaster on a smile of appreciation, when really I'm a mess and I need to find somewhere to breathe to myself—quickly, before Harry gets to me first.

While my hard work is being admired, I'm fast walking down the corridor, exhales leaving my lips and my fists clenching the material of my dress for leverage. I hurry down the hall, further and further away from the public access area and all the way to the locker room.

I don't know what to do. There's no where for me to go, no one for me to call.

There's no solving a panic attack when you have nothing to cling to.

I open up the locker to grab my phone.

As soon as I turn it on, I see a text from Isaac.

Isaac: I'm sorry I missed it. Was running late. Meet me in the garden.

I run my hand through my hair over the sweat beginning to form at my hairline. I breathe out through my mouth as I look over the text.

Isaac is the one familiar thing here that doesn't revolve around Carter. Even if it's just for a moment, I need to see him, just to bring myself back down from this stormy anxious cloud.

I grab my purse and tuck my phone inside. I can sneak out through the employee entrance. It's dark in the garden and everyone is inside, no one will see me.

My gut feeling is unclear. I don't feel safe, but I can't tell if it's because of Harry, because of last night, or because I'm entering a dark garden alone.

The moment I open the door and the outside breeze hits my face though, I feel my airways open ever so slightly.

I breathe out and walk along the cobblestone that's surrounded by clean cut grass. There's a fountain in the centre of the garden, but as you get deeper in, you're enclosed by hedges and sculptures—a beautiful sight in the light of day but at night it's eerie.