JJ Maybank Imagines

it hurts💙

Written in Y/n's perspective

Warnings: language, self-harm

Word count: 1126

this was requested, enjoy!

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"YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS!" My mother screamed in my face.

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It's 11 pm and I was sitting on the couch, watching TV. I had just finished all of the chores around the house cause I knew how my mom got when I didn't. She had come homeso drunk out of her mind, I could smell the alcohol off of her body from the moment she walked in the door. But, just when I think I have a moment to relax, I get snatched off of the couch.

"What the fuck?!" She yelled, dragging me to the kitchen.

"Bro, what do you mean?" I asked as I yanked my arm out of her grip.

"First of all, I'm not your 'bro'," she did air quotes, "and why the fuck is there still dishes in the sink? Did I not tell you to have this shit done before I got home?!"

"The sink is empty!" I argued back, looking at the sink. There was a spoon and a mini plate. How did I miss that?

"Mom, it's two things. Can't you cut me some slack?" I asked, mindlessly, but immediately regretted it. Not even 2 seconds later, I felt a strong stinging pain on my jaw. Being drunk always made her stronger somehow.

"YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU TO DO SHIT?! YOU DON'T DO SHIT AROUND HERE!" She screamed in my face, making me angrier. More upset. 

I walked away and went upstairs to my room. Mom followed me up the stairs, so I quickly shut the door behind me and locked it, so she couldn't come in. She started to yell at me through the door, saying all the things you wouldn't want to hear from your mother.

I paced back and forth through my room, running my fingers through my hair. Before I knew it, I was crying.

"GET THE FUCK OUT HERE! YOU WONDER WHY NO ONE LOVES YOU! JJ DOESN'T LOVE YOU! YOU WILL NEVER BE LOVED! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T COME OUT-" She began to threaten, I was already sobbing. Maybe she's right. Does JJ really not love me? He said he does. I try not to listen to the words that she's saying, but they're getting to my head.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" I yelled back, my fingers running from the top to the bottom of my hair.

"YOU ARE SO STUPID! I NEVER WANTED A FUCKING DAUGHTER TO BEGIN WITH! I was going to abort you, but my best friend talked me out of it," her voice level changed so quickly, "Said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, that it would be a blessing. She was wrong. I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance. None of that trouble was worth it when all that came out of it was a stupid ass bitch who can't do one thing without being told. I hate you." She finished and I heard footsteps receding down the hallway. That was really the cherry on the cake.

I can't do this anymore.

I was sobbing as I mindlessly walked over to my nightstand drawer and opened it, revealing a pocket knife that I kept in there for when things got hard.

I snatched it out of the drawer and sank down to the floor, making one line after another. I deserved it. I waited a minute, watching blood gush from my wrist before making another line. It stung, but this is what I get, right?

Just when I was about to make another cut, someone came through the window of my room. JJ. I quickly scrambled to hide what I was doing, but it was too late. He already saw.

"Baby, what are you doing?" The way his voice broke only made me feel worse about what I was doing.

"I-I'm sorry." I sobbed, looking at the floor. He rushed over to me and hugged me, taking the knife out of my hand. He closed it and took me to the bathroom, helping me clean all of the blood off of my arm.

"This is gonna sting." He warned me as he looked at me with soft eyes. I nodded and looked away. I felt so guilty. He poured hydrogen peroxide on my cuts to clean them and wiped them with cotton pads. Once he finished, he wrapped my wrist with a few layers of gauze and taped it so it wouldn't fall off. 

We walked back out to my room and sat on my bed. He made eye contact with me and all I could see was hurt. I started sobbing again and he pulled me into his arms again, caressing my back.

"i-i'm sorry, j. i-i didn't want t-to, but i-i-- s-she made me f-feel l-like i had t-to," I stuttered out with tears streaming down my face, "i-it hurts, j-jay. i-i'm s-so sorry."

"Stop saying sorry, love. You have no reason to be sorry and I'm not mad at you. I just wanna know what happened." He said and I nodded as I looked at him, sniffling.

"i-i cleaned the house and i s-sat down on the couch t-to watch TV when m-mom came home drunk. s-she started to yell at me and th-then she punched me, telling me that i-i'm useless and that i-i would never be loved. t-that you would n-never love me. she told me that s-she wished that she would have a-aborted me when she had t-the chance. a-and that's when i started cutting m-my wrist." I confessed as he let out a shaky breath. He cupped my face, making me look at him and he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I'm always going to love you, baby. You changed my life and nothing will ever change the way that I feel about you. You are not useless, you never were and you won't ever be. Don't listen to what your mom says to you cause she clearly doesn't know what she's saying. You'll always be loved by me and the others and I thank god everyday that you're here with me. I love you so much." He slightly smiled as a tear fell from his eye. I wiped it and kissed him gently. What did I do to deserve him?

"I love you, too. Thank you for always being here for me. Through good and bad." I smiled at him and he smiled back, hugging me tightly.

"Just promise me that you won't do this again. If you ever feel like you need or want to do that, just call me and I'll be there." He asked and I nodded.

"I promise, JJ." 

I don't want to hurt myself or him anymore. 

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This was requested. If you guys ever feel like self-harming or committing suicide, my inbox is always open, if you want to talk. Just know that every single one of you is worth more that what you think. Requests are still open. Enjoy!