UNLIKELY MATCH | HEESEUNG

27 - Fragments Of Us

I sit on the chair next to his bed and brush the stray strands of hair away from his face. "Heeseung," His name comes out like a prayer on my lips, like a promise. Like everything I've ever needed and wanted. "You scared me, you know that?" I trace the contours of his face with my fingertips, as if reassuring myself that he's real, that he's here with me.

I never felt this desperate. I never felt this weak, this helpless. Even when my father taped my mouth so I wouldn't cry when I was younger, even when I fell into the lake at my grandparent's cottage and thought I was going to drown, even when Ujin broke my heart, even when I felt like the world was crumbling around me, I never felt this vulnerable. I've never felt this exposed, this raw, this utterly consumed by fear and love all at once.

Heeseung stirs, his eyelids fluttering open, and I hold my breath. For a moment, I stay there, frozen, watching as he blinks slowly, his gaze gradually focusing on me. When our eyes finally meet, I can't hold back the tears any longer. They spill down my cheeks and I'm suddenly sobbing like a child who has been lost and found again, like a fragile piece of glass shattering after being under too much pressure. "Hey," He whispers, trying to sit up, but winces in pain. "Fuck, that hurts." He grimaces, sinking back into the pillows.

"Don't move," I wipe the tears off my cheeks and say, my voice trembling. "You need to rest, you just had surgery-"

"Are you okay?" His concerned voice interrupts me, his eyes scanning my face with worry. "You're crying." How am I supposed to answer that? Am I okay? Am I No, I'm not okay. I'm terrified, I'm relieved, I'm overwhelmed with emotions I can't even begin to describe. I'm not okay, I'm everything that's rushing through me all at once. I'm the epitome of vulnerability. I'm the girl who just realized how much she cares about someone, how much she needs them in her life. I'm the girl who is afraid of losing the person who has become her everything, her reason for waking up in the morning. I'm the girl who is falling in love, hard and fast, and it scares the hell out of me.

"I'm okay," I manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper. Heeseung reaches out, his hand finding mine before he intertwines our fingers and my lips quiver again. My body starts shaking again and I don't know how to stop it. I'm overwhelmed with relief, with love, with fear. I'm a mess, and Heeseung knows it. I'm not okay. I'm not sure if I'll ever be okay again. "I'm... I'm not okay." I breathe the words out and place my free hand against my eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears that refuse to cease. 

Heeseung squeezes my hand gently, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. "I'm sorry I made you feel this way. I never wanted... I didn't want you to see me like that. I just... I never wanted you to witness something like that. I'm sorry."

I shake my head like I'm trying to shake off the overwhelming emotions that threaten to drown me. "It's not your fault, Heeseung, don't you dare apologize," I manage to say between sniffles. "I'm just so... scared and vulnerable and lost. I've never felt this helpless before. I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you. I kept thinking about us, about what we are, about how I might no longer have the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I might no longer hold you, feel your warmth and tell you just how hard I'm falling in love with you." 

The way he pauses and his eyes slightly widen is enough to tell me he wasn't expecting me to confess like this. Of course, he wasn't. I told him the arrangement was just business and I would never love someone like him. I told him that we were just fake fiancés, nothing more. But the truth is, I was lying to myself. I was lying to him. I was lying to everyone. Because the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that my feelings for him are anything but fake. They're real, raw, and consuming, like a wildfire burning through my soul. I can no longer pretend that what we have is just a business arrangement. What we have is so much more than that.

"Sena," I watch as he clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath as if trying to gather his thoughts. "Can you come closer?" The words make me frown but I still move closer to him, our faces now only inches apart. I can feel his warm breath on my skin, and my heart races inside my chest. Heeseung rests his hand on my waist and pulls me even closer, his gaze dropping to my lips. "I want to kiss you." I freeze, my heart pounding so loudly in my chest that I'm sure he can hear it.

Heeseung wants to kiss me. It's not like all those times when he kissed me unexpectedly or as part of our fake relationship. This time, it's different. This time, he's asking for my consent, for my permission. This time, his desire is laid bare, raw and unfiltered. And without a word, I lean in, closing the distance between us until our lips meet in a tender, yet electrifying kiss. I cannot think straight, cannot process anything beyond the intoxicating sensation of his lips against mine, the warmth of his touch seeping into every fiber of my being. 

He's kissing away the fear, the anxiety, the overwhelming relief, and I'm melting into him, my hands finding their way to his hair, tangling in the soft strands. I'm nothing but a wreck in his arms, but in this moment, I couldn't care less. All that matters is the way his lips move against mine, the way his hands feel against my skin, the way his touch makes me feel so alive I could burst into flames. There's no denying it anymore; I'm completely, irrevocably in love with Lee Heeseung. And as he deepens the kiss, pouring all his emotions into it, I know that he feels the same way too.