Chessel Street

Chapter Eighteen - Juliette

It's roughly an hour before we are supposed to attend this evening's event and I'm sitting in front of my mirror struggling to make the perfect wing with my black eyeliner. I've had no luck so far and all it's causing me is misery. I'm tempted to just go to the gala with no makeup at all but I know Cass would kill me if I didn't at least try.

As I attempt my third try on my eyeliner by phone, sitting next to me on the floor lights up with my moms name appearing. I consider not answering the call but since I haven't spoken with her this week I feel like I should probably just get it over with - then at least it would buy me one more week without having to call first.

I bring the phone to my ear and not a second later I hear a chipper, "Hi sweetie, how are you? I miss you so much. Tell me everything!"

My moms attempts at enthusiasm always make me angry for some reason because there was a time where I was begging her from some ounce of positivity.

After the accident nothing was the same at home. My parents fought, my mom cried and my dad drank. The house seemed to be under a constant cloud and I felt like I couldn't breathe everytime I returned home.

I would try and talk with my mom about what happened but all she would do is stare into the abyss. I gave her as much time as I could but as the bills piled up and the house began to fall in on itself I tried to remind my mom time and time again that she still had another daughter who needed her - who loved her. But my attempts were futile. I ended up having to accept my situation, take care of myself and move on.

About a year after my sister's death my parents separated. Not for one reason or another but If I were to guess they both just couldn't stop blaming each other for not being able to save her.

After I had left the house to attend college and my parents both found their own place, things began to look up - but I don't know if ill ever forgive them forgiving up on me when I was still here, asking for their love.

My mom has tried to plan visits and offer me bus rides home but I can't bring myself to accept her offers, not yet. I need time to accept how poorly I think she handled it before I can make that leap.

And although I haven't been home to see my mom for at least a year now, she will always make an effort to call me at least once a week to check in on how i'm doing.

"Hi, mom. I don't have too much time to talk. I'm going to a gala tonight with Cass and we're about to leave" I say, bending the truth slightly.

"Oh that's alright honey I just wanted to make sure you're still alive. You know you can call your mother too right? A mother should be a daughters greatest companion and I'd love if you'd let me in just the slightest bit" she says.

I stand up with the phone to my ear while putting the lid back on my eyeliner - the wing is just gonna be how it is.

"Mom, I really don't want to get into this right now, okay? I'll try and make a better effort to call you this week."

"Okay hon, we'll I'll let you go. You know I love you right? More than I love anything in this world. It's you and me my little Juliette"

I cringe at the phrase she used to use with me as a child. The phrase that used to bring me comfort only, now only makes me think of a time that was better, a time when I could say I was truly happy.

I make my way to the closest to throw on my dress as I give my mom her parting goodbye, "Okay mom. I love you too. I'll talk to you later."

I end the call quickly before I have to hear anything else she has to say because honestly every word from her still hurts.