A Missed Opportunity

58

I know what this chaotic feeling is. It's when my guard's down, my mind's racing, and I don't know what to. It's autopilot. It's spiraling. Fucking nosedive straight to the harsh, solid ground below.

I'm spiraling over three words. A fucking phrase. I haven't spiraled in years and this—this is what does it for me.

That's terrifying. Three words are all it takes now. I am at the mercy of a woman and an eight-year-old who both think they love me.

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

__________

I don't have much...experience with family. I was supposed to when my son was born, but I wasn't there for that either. And as much as I love my sister, our childhood was not the epitome of the perfect home.

I don't think I actually know anyone who had a great childhood now that I think of it. But that's beside the point. Point is, I don't have much experience.

You know who does though?

"The fuck are you doing here?"

My bestest friend in the whole wide fucked up world. My only friend, actually. Because the rest are tied to shit that I'm supposed to let go of. The bad. The reason why I don't have much experience in the first place.

"Jackson, what'd I say about unwanted visitors?"

The poor guy who led me to the doorway of the closed off office awkwardly shifts on his feet. "I'm sorry. I thought unwanted visitors meant..." He trials off with an awkward glance my way. "Well. Your list of unwanted visitors. Should I go over their names again for you, sir? James, Eli, W—"

"No—No, that's not—" Alex sighs sharply and looks away. He looks away because his wife told him to stop glaring at this poor guy. And somehow, she knows when he has. "That's...fine, Jackson. You can go now." He grits out, eyes still turned away.

Jackson doesn't waste a second to run off.

I blow out a breath as I wander further into his office, letting the door shut behind me. "Poor guy. Ran out like his tail was on fire." I murmur as I come over to take a seat in front of his desk.

Alex looks over at me and glares because he's allowed to glare at me. That's just what scares me even more. He's not allowed to glare at just anyone anymore. Aaliyah doesn't actually have a way of reinforcing that, unless you count her disappointed frown as a way. That somehow gets him to stop. He's on a leash, and I don't know if I want to be on one. Or if I'm already on one.

"The hell do you want?"

I sigh as I relax into the nice comfortable chair. I look out the window at his even greater view than the one he had when he started. "Oh, hey, look. A bird." I smile as I gesture to the lonely bird that flies its way past the floor to ceiling windows.

"I'm calling security."

I hum as I look back at him. "You're no fun." I decide. His eyes narrow. "I have a few questions I need answered."

"I'm working, asshole."

"Yeah—you're playing cards." I nod over to the little glass decoration thing he has on a shelf behind him. It shows me a reflection of his screen.