LOVE AND DEATH, edward cullen

forty two

"Your own instincts were speaking to you. I wish it had been me — but you're the heroic one. You saved me." Cautiously he reached his hand up and I could feel his fingertips brush over my ear. I finally looked at him again and frowned. "You tried to leave me before, at the hospital, remember? So it wasn't that hard to believe you were ready to go back in October."

He exhaled heavily and I quickly looked at him again, worried he was beginning to grow irritated but he held a steady expression like he understood. His voice dropped lower and his face moved closer to mine. "I will spend every single day from this day forward making it up to you. I'm going to fight for your trust back — the way any man should."

Before I almost woefully forgot about all my morals, Edward was suddenly gone just as my bedroom door swung open and the lights flickered on.

I turned my head away and blinked aggressively against the harsh lighting. "You alright? Another nightmare?"

I rub my eyes but shake my head, turning to look at my dad. "No, I'm okay. You don't have to worry." I fixed myself underneath my blanket as if I was going to lay back down.

Charlie stared at me from where he stood between my room and the hallway. "Last time you said that you left me in the middle of the night then disappeared for three days."

Sadness clouded my heart and as I looked at him, I could see how tense he felt that maybe I was packing to leave again. I gave him his own kind of nightmares. "I'm really sorry, dad."

His face was stern before switching to softness at my sincerity. "Aspen — don't you ever do that to me again. Ever" I nodded my head. "And you're grounded for — the rest of your life."

I flashed him a smooth reassuring smile. Almost like I felt proud to hear him say that. "I know."

He turned to leave with the door closing behind him but before he could fully disappear, I quickly sat up in my bed and he turned. "I love you, dad."

He didn't miss a heartbeat to respond. "I love you more, kiddo."

My lights were turned off and the door finally shut behind him. Edward appeared at my side again but this time kneeled in front of me by the edge of the bed. "I'm not technically breaking any of his rules," he smiled softly. "He did say, I couldn't take a step inside through the door. I came in through the window."

I couldn't laugh at his humor even if I wanted to — I didn't know how anymore.

He surprised me by taking both of his hands on mine, the pads of his thumbs running across the broken skin around my finger nails. All those anxious and lonely days caused me to subconsciously pick at the skin on my fingers until they bled. Some were still redder than others — trying to heal as quickly as possible.

He decided to ignore the obvious but couldn't mask his pained expression. "He's not going to forgive me easily. Can you?" I remained silent and unmoving — afraid my emotions would overcome me. "I hope you can because I honestly don't know how to live without you."

My instincts were to pull him closer and kiss him in hopes it would take away his pain. I was known for trying to satisfy others but never knew how to tend to my own wounds.

His hand traveled up my arm and towards my face, holding my cheek in his palm carefully and although the coldness sent a small chill down my spine — I couldn't help but lean into it for comfort.

"There's something I need to tell you." I closed my eyes briefly to soak into the warmth of his presence, guilt beginning to overcome me before I opened my eyes to meet his soft expression. "I surrounded myself with a lot of good people while you were gone. They were – uhm, wolves but they looked after me." He nodded once and tilted his head to the side silently. "Embry, you remember, was kind to me – I even got to meet a few of his friends. Which brought me to Kai."