The children especially Blue studied me heavily, trying to figure out who I was talking to. My body language was changed and they knew me better than anyone.
"I'm sorry... I wanted to talk to you too. But I just don't think I'm ready to face all that happened. You did something that damaged our family. it still hurts." I said weakly.
As I waited on the line, there was a noticeable silence that stretched on for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, I could tell that Jay was carefully considering his next words.
"I understand, Bey. I know I messed up, and I'm trying to make things right. I miss you and the kids so much. Can we talk about this more in person? Just one visit?" Jay pleaded, his voice filled with desperation.
I closed my eyes, trying to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside me. I knew Jay was sincere in his apologies, but the wounds he had inflicted on our family ran deep. It wasn't just about forgiving him, it was about rebuilding trust and our shattered lives.
"I need time to think about coming to visit you okay? I can't make any promises right now," I said softly, knowing it was the truth.
There was another pause on the line before Jay spoke again, his voice heavy with emotion. "I understand, Bey. I'll give you the space you need. Just know that I love you and the kids more than anything. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right."
He changed the subject with a lighter tone. "They're saying they may be letting me out early on good behavior, I just need someone that would let me crash with them."
"I hope you're not asking to stay with me" I whispered into the mic.
"Nah... but can you call my folks mamas? Someone that can make sure I'm straight?"
Lord knows that I didn't want to be in the middle of Jay's mess, He always found himself doing something stupid and having me help him get out of it. Honestly, I was tired of his foolery.
"That's beautiful news but I don't want to talk about that right now."
"You're in front of the kids aren't you?" Jay said in a shaky tone. "That's the only time you're quick to get off the phone."
I exhaled softly, stabbing my fork into my pancake because my anxiety was rising.
"Look... I won't leave you hanging because I love you. I just need you to understand boundaries. Thanks for checking in. Uh-huh... I'll call your momma and your homeboys. Okay? I'll talk to you later...Bye."
As soon as I heard his voice, I knew it was going to be another one of those calls. The kind of call that would drag on for hours, filled with empty promises and guilt trips. I didn't have the energy for it and I wanted to start my day peacefully, without the weight of his drama hanging over me. So, I ended the call quickly, relieved that I wouldn't have to endure any more of his emotional manipulation. As I hung up the phone, I took a deep breath and felt a sense of relief wash over me. Finally, I could start my day without feeling drained or anxious.
"Whose was that, Mama?" Blue asked softly, her pretty brown eyes peering up at me with innocence.
I kissed her forehead and said, "No one, baby. Let's start our day."
Blue understood my feelings and time. As we sat down for breakfast our morning routine, I couldn't help feeling a heaviness in my heart. Jay's calls always brought back memories of our broken family and the pain he had caused. Despite Jay's mistakes, I stayed strong for my children and focused on building a better future filled with love, trust, and happiness."
And as the day went on, I held my children close, grateful for the love and joy they brought into my life. Despite the challenges we faced, I knew we would get through it together, stronger than ever. And maybe, just maybe, one day Jay would truly make things right and be a part of our lives again. But for now, I focused on the present and the beautiful moments we shared as a family.
