Baby Without Benefits

Chapter Eight

The worst part about all this is that I feel used by her. I keep rethinking about that day we met and how easily things flowed between us. Was she playing me the whole time so she could sleep with me? I was a willing participant but all I wanted was sex with a beautiful woman but it seems like she wanted much more than that and maybe she got it.

Our interaction and the realization of what we might have done messed me up so badly. So much that when I went to the fertility clinic for my rescheduled appointment, I couldn't even walk past the door this time. I ended up canceling altogether and made the decision not to be a donor. If Hillary got what she wanted, then I am already a father and it hurts that I will never know. It hurts even more because she knows how sensitive this topic is to me yet she still went ahead and used me. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but seeing the circumstances under which we met makes that very hard.

"You okay Lamar?" Captain Raith asks when I accidentally bump into him as we get off the rig back at the station.

"Yes Cap, sorry." I reply forcing a smile.

"Good, because I need you at your best for the kindergarten class visiting today for their fire safety field trip." He replies.

"You know I'm always ready." I assure him.

"Perfect, you and Cortez make me proud." He says patting my back before excusing himself.

"You and Cortez what?" Ian asks approaching me.

"The kindergarten field trip." I answer.

"I still don't get your enthusiasm towards these class trips?" Ian grunts as we take off our gear.

"And I don't get why you're not."

One of the best parts of my job is not saving people from burning buildings or cats from trees. Although those do offer a certain adrenaline rush. The best part is inspiring the next generation of first responders. I always knew I wanted to be a firefighter because it's in my blood but I also know that I will not have children of my own to inspire so I aspire to do that through my work. The fire department has several ways of doing this like community outreach and mentorship programs but my favorite is house tours. This is when different groups visit firehouses to learn about fire safety and what we do.

Of all the groups that visit I like kids the best, especially those still in elementary school. Their eyes of wonder and excitement always brighten my day. They also always have the best questions which keeps us on our toes.

One such class is happening today and I will be the one leading it with Cortez aiding me.

"Shower time, we got a class to teach." I smirk at Ian as I head for the locker room.

He scowls at me but nonetheless follows.

We emerge half an hour later, freshly showered and ready just as a yellow school bus parks outside the firehouse.

"Show time." I grin at Ian clapping his back excitedly.

"I'll go get in gear. Again." He mumbles unenthusiastically.

One of the probies we have at the house is receiving the kids and teachers while I wait for them inside. A few minutes later they come trotting in, in order holding each other's hands with one teacher at the front and two at the back.

"This is Firefighter Lamar, he will be leading your fire safety class today." The probie introduces once they get to me.

"Thank you so much for having us, I am Mrs. Hearn, one of the teachers." She replies.

"It is an honor to have you all." I reply.

The kids are gathered close together and the other two teachers approach us for introductions as well. Only when they get close enough do I recognize one of them and to say I am surprised would be an understatement.