Baby Without Benefits

Chapter Seven

It's been three weeks and I thought I'd be over Jericho by now but I still find myself having vivid dreams of our encounter. Not a day has gone by that he has not crossed my mind especially knowing that I might unintentionally make him a father even though I know it's the last thing he wants. I did mean what I told Amelia though, if I am pregnant I will find Jericho and tell him. After that the ball will be in his court to do as he wants. I am ready to do this on my own but if he wants to be involved I cannot deprive him of his child.

But first I have to find out if I really am pregnant before I drive myself crazy overthinking things.

After getting Dr. Cushing the specimen that she wants I wash my hands and make my way back into the examination room.

"How long will the test take?" I ask giving her the specimen cup.

"A few minutes." She answers showing me a small white stick in her hand. "If it turns blue then it means you are pregnant."

And the wait begins. The silence is deafening and I am sure Dr. Cushing does not need her stethoscope to hear by heartbeat. This is the moment of truth. If that stick turns blue, then my life will be changed forever and I couldn't be more excited. And if not then I keep on with the original plan. Either way, I am getting me a baby.

"You're not pregnant." Dr. Cushing announces after a few minutes when the stick fails to change color.

It was one of the options, I had expected it but part of me is still disappointed. I really wanted this to happen quickly but I guess it was not meant to be.

"You seem disappointed." Dr. Cushing comments.

I give her a sad smile in response. "A bit."

"You are a healthy young woman Hillary; all your tests came back great. We can begin the process of you getting a baby as soon as you decide on who the lucky candidate is from the folder I gave you. That is if you have even looked at it." She asks.

"I have but I noticed that there aren't many black men on the baby daddy list for me to choose from. There are less than ten men here as compared to the hundreds of white men." I answer.

The list is another reason I wanted to be pregnant with Jericho's baby. He is the perfect sperm donor but he is not on the list. The other black men on the list honestly pale in comparison to him. He is physically fit, smart, obvious great genetics and we'd make such a cute baby.

"That is a problem we have. We try to get more people of color to donate but it's not so easy. Just last week we had one of our prospective black donors pull out." She explains and my mind immediately goes to Jericho.

I cannot tell her that I might know of the man she is talking about because first of all it's none of her business and two I might have helped talking him out of it even though he was already halfway there. I am happy that he finally made a decision but I am also disappointed because now they cannot add him to the list and I cannot choose him which I would have done without a second thought.

"None of the alternatives I have are appealing to me." I confess.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know women of color prefer to use black donors as well but we have so many other choices. If you choose a Caucasian male, your baby will still be half black." She suggests.

"I thought of that but I don't want a mixed baby, no offence doc." I reply.

"None taken. You know we usually advice women, especially single ones of your age to try the natural way first. You already did try and it might not have worked out but we have pamphlets and tests you can do to make sure you are ovulating to better your chances. It's also much more fun that way." She explains with a wink making me smile.