SERENITY

CHAPTER 18

**Carlos.

I hear Apollo letting out a breath of relief. They were finally done with the whole plan thing, since Simon was playing hard to get and Ricky was classically shitting himself and didn't want to get involved. I have hardly slept and they are beginning to tire me out with their chatter. All night long I kept thinking about the events on the field yesterday. What's gotten into me? To look at Simon like that and then take his hand, hold it and walk around in front of everyone, as if we were a couple, and not only that, there were the thoughts I had too. Simon I saw yesterday was another Simon. I don't know what Simon I know did or where he went, but it certainly wasn't him in there. His look. That darkness behind his eyes. For a moment I could see a part of him that I never imagined could exist. I recognize this darkness, it's a part of me as well and I know better than anyone that when it starts to take over, there's not much you can do before it's too late. Now, I'm so used to it, that I'm afraid when I see light. I'm afraid of ruining it and erasing it, like I did with Veronica. But the thing is, Simon is not a light. I refuse to accept all the emotions that he brings out of me ,and not just for the ''gay'' label issue, that's the least of my concerns, I've never cared about other people's opinions anyway. I see myself through him and it makes me want so badly to get closer to him, to explore a little more of the darkness within him.

-Well, since that's settled, let's move on to another matter that's important, Cornelia jumps up before anyone else can speak.

Her spasmodic voice sneaks into my head and stretches my nerves in a split second. I take a deep breath and keep it for a little without saying anything, because if I speak and let out all my nerves on her, we may never speak again. Really, I don't know how I like her sometimes. She turns and looks at me with rage.

- You, first of all, shouldn't have such attitude, because what I'm about to say has to do with you and Simon, she replies as if we were in the first grade in school.

I look at Simon and try to figure out if he knows what this is about. The muscles in his jaw and shoulders tighten at the sound of her words. He probably knows. I see her eyes fall on him and stay there. She looks at him intensely and he returns her gaze, which is by no means a look of concern. You think these two are messing around? I feel myself boiling inside and I am on the verge of exploding when Cornelia breaks their eye contact and starts talking.

- If you remember, yesterday my mother called me into her office.

- Get to the point and don't preface, I jump up and tell her curtly.

Like it wasn't enough that took her an hour to start talking. Clearly upset with the way I spoke to her, she replies.

- Dude, try acting like a mermaid for once and wait to hear what I have to say without interrupting me.

I stifle a laugh that threatens to be heard, raise my hands to show my surrender, and roll my eyes with irony. She really is such a child, she's not even worth arguing with.

- She told me about the fus at the match and the penalties, which I think you both were expecting since you got into trouble, she says furiously and in a very strong tone.

I look at Simon and Simon looks at me, but neither of us says anything.

- Simon, you will have two points deducted from every lesson and Carlo, you will no longer be able to play shell game, she says with a gasp and falls back onto her pillow.

I feel the blood freeze inside me as I process the bomb that she just dropped. I won't be able to play shell game again. I won't be able to play shell game again. I hear it repeating in my head over and over and over and over again. No, no that's impossible, it's not possible. I have been playing shell game since my birth, through shell game I am relaxing. I'm good at it. It's one of the few things I'm good at, because if you take it in general I've been screwing up my life for many years. No one speaks for a while and that gives me time to think and understand what Cornelia just said. The realization hits me like a punch in the stomach and I feel like I can't breathe. I wiggle my fingers nervously and try to concentrate on the repetitive motion. I will not having a panic attack now, not here. I take a deep breath and release it slowly, then repeat it until I feel myself calming down somewhat. The atmosphere is heavy and everyone's eyes are on me, waiting for a reaction, which fortunately never comes. Finally Simon starts to speak.

- I understand he deduction of points very well, but the shell game thing is a bit much, don't you think Cornelia?

- It's not my mom's decision, but even if she wanted you to get away with it, she can't. First of all, your face is clearly visible on the tapes from the security cameras and secondly there are the witnesses. If everyone got a penalty, except from you, there would definitely be protests, especially for Carlo. The World Shell Game Union has decided that all players involved in the trouble should be suspended, not only for this year, but for life and not be allowed to play shell game again, even in small or amateur teams. They want the punishment to be more than exemplary, so that the same thing doesn't happen again. The college will send official letters to your home with these decisions, I just thought it would be best to find out from me.

The truth is that she is right. I know better than anyone that penalties in sports are some of the harshest that can be given. With the slightest misstep, it can take weeks to months to get back on the field. Now that the first shock is over, the sentence they chose seems perfectly reasonable to me, I can even say that I was expecting it. Finally, I choose to speak first.

-The sentence seems perfectly reasonable to me, I say calmly.

I raise my head and look at them. The shock is obvious on their faces.

-I can't understand why you are so shocked. As Cornelia said, we knew very well, from the moment we got into the fight, that there would be consequences.

-Yeah, but that's going too far, Ricky says.

-Not at all. It was a semi-final match between two very big colleges. In the whole history of this kind of matches, nothing like this has ever happened, it was logical for the Union to take such an extreme decision. I will wait for the letter to come to my house to sign it and officially submit it.

Again, silence prevails.

-Good, thanks for the update Cornelia and now let's get up and start with the repairs that need to be done in here, so we can finish by noon and go home to eat, Simon says.

I mentally thank him for changing the subject and stand up. I go to the kitchen counter where we have left the paints, brushes and everything else we will need. Without waiting for the others, I rummage in a bag and find a sandpaper. I begin to quickly and forcefully scrub the worn door of a cupboard, without looking at any of them. After a while, I hear them divide the work and everyone starts to do it, having taken what they need. The storm of thoughts in my mind begins to overwhelm me, but I concentrate on the work I am doing. Hopefully by the time we're done here, I'll be over it, I think, and keep up the hard work.