Bucky Barnes Imagines Vol. 2

Unimportant

~

The party was winding down and Bucky had been looking for you for the past half hour. He wanted to go home and fall asleep with you cuddled in his arms, but you were nowhere to be found. He knew he hadn't been the best boyfriend lately and he was trying to work on that. You talked to him multiple times and he really tried to do better, but then within a few weeks he was right back to square one.

He was constantly tired, not only from missions, but also from fighting off his inner demons. Bucky was spiraling back into a dark place and he felt helpless to stop it. He had quit therapy as soon as he was released by the court. Therapy helped and he was doing better, especially with your encouragement. But not long after quitting his sessions, the stress of work was causing him to shut down and it was affecting his relationship with you, which only put more stress on him. If he couldn't make you happy, then he didn't deserve you.

You tried to hide the hurt in your eyes when he made excuses on why he didn't want to go out or why he didn't feel like being intimate with you. The dark thoughts swirling in his mind were going to ruin his relationship if he didn't get his shit together, so he had scheduled an appointment with his therapist first thing on Monday morning. Bucky hadn't told you about the problems he'd been facing or that he was starting therapy again, but he was hoping to talk to you about it this weekend during the date he had been secretly planning. He was going to treat you like a princess and lavish you with attention the way he should have been doing all along. It wouldn't make up for pushing you away, but it was a start.

After taking another walk through the party and surrounding areas, Bucky was beginning to get worried. You never disappeared like this and if you needed to head home, you would have told him. He gladly would've left to go home and spend the rest of the night on the couch. He spotted Nat at the bar talking to Steve and headed over to speak to her.

"Hey, Nat. Have you seen Y/n? I've been looking for her for the last forty-five minutes and I can't find her. I'm starting to get worried." Bucky's brow furrowed as the worst possible scenarios ran through his head.

Nat scoffed lightly and sat her glass on the bar top. She turned to look at Bucky and crossed her arms, taking a defensive stance.

"You're just now starting to get worried?" Nat cocked an eyebrow at him. "You've been at this party for four hours and not once did you try to look for her or spend time with her. Why the fuck should I believe that you're worried about her now?"

"Nat, calm down." Steve said softly. "He loves Y/n, you know that."

"Do I, Steve? He's treated her like shit for months. I noticed and I know you did too, you just don't want to admit it because he's your best friend." Nat said, cutting her eyes from Bucky to Steve.

"I'm trying to make up for that, Nat. I know I've screwed up, but I can't fix anything if I can't find her." Bucky said with a hint of anger in his voice. "Now do you know where she is?"

Nat's own anger was evident as her eyes blazed and her arms dropped by her sides, fists clenching tightly. Behind Bucky's anger, she could see the regret and worry, but she promised that she wouldn't tell him where you were. Nat sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"She left, but asked me not to tell you. I don't know where she went."

"Why wouldn't she want me to know where she is?" Bucky asked, voice raising in panic.

"She said it looked like you were having a good time and she didn't want to ruin it, so she left." She lied.

"She didn't want to ruin it?" Bucky asked incredulously. "I've been miserable all night. It's been a struggle to act like I wanted to be here. I thought Y/n wanted to come, which is why I even suggested coming to the stupid party in the first place!"

"Then you're one hell of an actor, Barnes, because you sure as hell looked happy every time I saw you."

"Oh, fuck you, Nat!" Bucky yelled.

Nat's fist clenched again and she stepped towards Bucky who didn't shy away from her.

"Hey! Both of you stop. Go home, Bucky. I'm sure Y/n is there waiting on you. Nat, a word?" Steve said as he stepped between the pair.

Bucky stared at Nat a moment longer and then stormed out of the building to his car. As soon as he got home, he was going to explain everything to you. Every single painful detail about the way he had been feeling since quitting therapy. All the thoughts that made him feel unworthy of you or inadequate, he was going to lay them all out and hope that you could forgive him.

~

Bucky walked into his apartment and immediately felt like something was off. The apartment was completely dark and felt oddly empty. Bucky flipped on the lightswitch and walked further into the apartment, completely missing that your shoes were no longer sitting beside the door and the blanket you loved to wrap up with was no longer slung over the back of the couch. The book you had been reading was no longer on the coffee table and the succulents you had set along the windowsill were gone.

Bucky moved into the bedroom and found the bed neatly made and the closet haphazardly pushed to. A sinking feeling hit Bucky in the gut and he knew something was wrong. The bathroom door was closed, so maybe you were just getting ready for bed. No light shined from underneath the door, though. You wouldn't be doing your nightly routine in the dark. You weren't here.

The quiet of the apartment was deafening. Bucky pulled his phone from his pocket, but there were no missed calls or texts from you. He clicked on your number as he walked back into the living room and began to pace. His call went straight to your voicemail. He tried texting, but he got a notification saying it was undeliverable.

"Where did you go, doll?" Bucky said softly.

Bucky walked back into the bedroom and took another look around the room. That's when he noticed that your things were gone. Your nightstand was bare and when he checked the closet all he found were empty hangers where your clothes used to be. The realization that you had left him felt like a bucket of cold water being thrown on him. He fell down onto the bed, eyes wide and jaw slackened, as he stared at the half empty closet. His eyes scanned the rest of the room. It felt colder and less like home now that you were gone.

As he looked over the still made bed, his eyes settled on something. A neatly folded piece of paper had been placed on top of his pillow. His name was scrawled across the front in your handwriting. Bucky immediately grabbed the paper and began to read it. Tears fell from his eyes as he read your words over and over. He had been so stuck in his own head and his own problems that he had completely ignored how his behavior was affecting you. If he had talked to you, explained what was going on, asked for help, you would still be here.

He couldn't stay in the apartment. Not tonight, maybe not ever. It reminded him too much of you and what he had lost. You were wrong. You were his whole life. The only thing that mattered. It may not have seemed like it, but you held his heart in the palms of your hand. Bucky loved you and, no matter if days or years passed, he always would. His heart could never belong to anyone else because you would always be the sole focus of his love. He didn't know if there was a way to fix the mess he had made, but he had to try. Bucky pulled his phone out again and clicked on Steve's contact this time.

"Hey, pal. Is everything okay with Y/n?" Steve asked.

A small shudder ran through Bucky and his voice broke as he answered Steve.

"I lost her, Steve. She's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone? Did someone take her?" Steve asked in an alarmed voice.

"She left me. She thinks I don't need her, but I do. I need her more than I've ever needed anyone before." Bucky sniffled and swiped at his cheek. "I can't stay here tonight, Steve."

"Head over to my place. I should be there in about ten minutes." Steve said gently.

"Yeah, be there soon." Bucky sniffled once more and then cut the call.

He looked around the apartment he shared with you once more before shutting off the lights and walking out the front door. Bucky didn't know how he was ever supposed to return to the home he had made with you. You believe you were unimportant to him, but you were so far off the mark. Once he found out where you were, he'd prove just how much you meant to him.

A/N: The rest of this story will be coming soon!