Desire's & Fate

Chapter 22

I send a silent prayer for what I'm about to do next.

I couldn't tell how long I stood out there and although nothing was clear, I knew I needed to be alone.
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I stepped under the raining tap, soaking my head and cursing the day I was born into this family that has no consideration for the love they boldly speak about. All this talk about settling down and starting a family when this arrangement was brewing in a file on my father's desk. I was still soaking my head when a naked sibel came in and took the bath sponge.

I absolutely knew I shouldn't take this out on her but I needed to be alone.

"Baby," she whispered as she came up behind me. She rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my waist.

I need that.

I liked it when she used endearment towards me, it added a level of intimacy between us, one I didn't know I craved until she walked into my life. How was I going to live without it? What type of fate is this...

"It's okay..." she murmured after a while pressing close to me as she wrapped her arms around me tightly. "It's okay," she repeated trailing her fingers in my hair.

Feeling baffled by the thrills now seeping into my body I trembled in her embrace bewildered by the adrenaline still flowing out of my body.

Every rendezvous I'd had was meticulously planned. Some were personal scores, some were for the experience and the thrill of things, and well others I just had to. Now that I have followed protocol and given my heart only to be told to stop. I didn't see it coming and my brother's betrayal today was a day of many firsts. Today... today was the first time I had to make a split-second decision: my desires or my fate.

"Tell me please," Sibel asked breaking through the chaos churning in my head as she gently ran the sponge all over my back and head. The silky feel of the sponge and her soft palm gliding on my tired muscles and wet skin made me want to forget the nightmare my life had switched to even if just for a few minutes.

It was a bitter pill to swallow and an even harder thing to say to Sibel but when I heard the decision taken it was the most vulnerable I had ever felt made more so by the fact that I chasted this woman like my life depended on it now how was I to toss her aside. I made promises to her, to her parents, and to myself. All the times she told me to leave her alone and despite her feelings, she never wanted me to hurt her but my selfish actions and desire to have her, to taste her, to have her writher beneath me have turned all my fares into reality.

"Tell me," she coaxed taking her hand and placing it on my chest over my heart for a second, maybe two her heartbeat was the only sound I could focus on reassuring me steady and constant. The thought of giving her up or losing her brought me to tears. I was grateful the tap was still running and the both of us couldn't tell the difference between the water running down on us or my tears. I still couldn't believe how she'd gotten under my skin and turned the tables on me without trying.

Father of all people should understand, and the fact that he doesn't understand the flame in my heart was taking me out.

"Tell me everything," she whispered like she knew I was hurting deep in my soul.

"It's over," I replied shaking my head. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it not because I didn't want to but because the minute I stayed in that conference room was a haze. My mind had operated on pure adrenaline and my soul had left my body. I wasn't about to hurt her.

"Talk to me please," she drawled her dazzling smile slowly closing the cracks in my heart. "What happened after you left me back at my apartment," she asked as she gently ran the sponge all over my body and it made me want to forget. Forget it all.

I promised her damn it... I told her words I couldn't take back, how was I to...she doesn't deserve any of this and my life was a spinning mess.

"I don't want to talk about it," I murmured pulling her close and bracing myself to her. Surprisingly she didn't press further, she continued to soap me down and clean my skin.

"When you're ready to talk, please know I'm here," she said when she was finished.

I pulled her under the shower head and held her close, refusing to let go even when she began to shiver in my arms. Maybe it was the way she spoke her words of endearment, her warm embrace, or the way she said nothing that made the tension leave my body with each passing minute and finally, I relaxed in her arms.

"We should get out," she murmured dropping light, gentle feather-like kisses on my shoulder and up my neck.

Reluctantly I let go and we made it out of the bathroom. I was drying off when my phone rang.

"Why is she calling?" Sibel asked.

"Don't start with this," I said not in the mood at all.

"I don't trust her," she said.

"You don't think I know that but she is having my child," I snapped and an awkward silence fell over us, it filled the air like an explosion.

"I should go," she said after a few stilled seconds. She removed the towel from her hair and walked towards the closet.

Suppressing a groan when I saw the caller ID go off again. The way I felt at this moment she was the very last person I wanted to talk to. We used to be friends, I liked her, we used to talk... I could count the number of close friends I had on one hand and it pained me to know she'd never be on that list ever again.

My phone rang in my hand a second time and she wasn't getting the hint as it stopped and began again.

"Why aren't you picking up her call after all she's having your child."

"Please don't do this tonight," I said to Sibel and she chuckled harmoniously. "You can't avoid her forever," she said mechanically and I swore it was a direct hit to my gut I couldn't bear to see Sibel this defeated so I didn't answer her.

The devastation in her eyes was crushing my heart further but the rage in me was far bigger than my common sense spurring me forward.

"Well," she said as my phone fang again.

"I said to stop. Let it go!" I barked and her eyes misted.

"You're talking to me this way, because of her," she mumbled and I took her in my arms. "A lot is going on Sib please don't do this tonight," I pleaded feeling guilty she doesn't deserve this.

"Alright," she nodded sadly.

"You should go to bed," I said.

"Come with me," she glides her finger through my hair. "I don't want to fight with you but please talk to me, please," she said.

"I have a lot of work to get done, just so to bed," I said.

"But look at the time. Wouldn't you have a fresh start tomorrow morning?"

"You heard what I said, Sibel!"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Just go to bed alright."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a kid," she said stepping back.

"What are you then," I asked.

"When you were fucking me, I wasn't a child. I don't know what crawled up your ass and died just don't take it out on me," she said and walked out of my room. I didn't intend to be harsh on her but my mind wasn't there and I couldn't deal with her stubbornness.

Damn it!

I felt terrible but I wasn't going to follow her.