tied with a bow

chapter 10

Percy Jackson was unexplainable.

He was like a sucker punch to the gut followed by a kiss on the forehead. Annabeth hated him more than she knew humanly possible but she had also hoped he'd chase after her and explain himself. Regardless, he had proved her wrong, something she hated to be, and told her that there was nothing between them. They'd kissed, a fairly good kiss if she did say so herself, and then he'd gotten all noncommittal as if he hadn't been flirting with her for weeks. She needed him off her mind, she had a formal to prepare for and a bag to pack.

Unfortunately her mother had rescinded her request for Annabeth to come for the break, something about having to go meet someone in Madagascar. She didn't know or care, other than the fact that she'd have to spend the next 2 weeks at home. Especially with the rumors of her least favorite ex being on the prowl locally. Her bag was already packed and waiting for her in her bedroom as if she were actually going away to someplace like Virginia. Anywhere but San Francisco was preferred, she'd go anywhere with practically anyone just to get away from the repetitive pattern she lived in. She'd planned on sending her family gifts from Virginia, having the packages dropped at their house next week with the excuse of shipping delays. Now she had to find 2 presents that were appropriate for 14 year old boys. Matthew and Bobby would go into high school next year, both of them almost as tall as her last time she'd seen them. Matthew had told her he was growing out his hair so that he didn't get mixed up with Bobby anymore. The boys were close but hated getting mixed up, especially by teachers. When together as a family Annabeth assumed they looked a bit strange, her brunette father with his blonde daughter plus his black haired wife and sons. She felt like a sore thumb, even with their acceptance. But that wasn't her brothers' fault, they were kids and kids deserved Christmas gifts. She wandered through the aisles of store after store, loosely aware of the fleeting hours she had left before the formal. She'd hoped something, anything, would catch her eye. Matthew liked to draw and Bobby played basketball but a sketchbook and a ball seemed too impersonal. But she didn't know what Matthews preferred art style was or Bobby's favorite team.

They were old enough to just get $20, right? She thought, stepping into a consignment shop defeated. Then it caught her eye, glittering in the display case of used jewelry. She couldn't help herself, sure it was the wrong metal and size for her but it'd probably fit Percy perfectly. She didn't even have to give it to him, it could be a keepsake of what could've been. She kept those to remind herself why she didn't date. She didn't have a keepsake for every hookup she'd had, not wanting to make it too personal between the men and women she'd slept with. She currently had two, each kept in a little box under her bed. There was Luke and Viktor. Luke was her first and only real relationship. Things hadn't ended well, hence his obsessive calling around the holidays. Then there was Viktor. They met at the library near her parent's house over spring break last year. She'd assumed they were just friends until he'd started sending her flowers and love poems. They'd never been officially dating but they'd text a lot, he'd never reply during the day because he was "so busy". Then he ghosted her after she asked if she could visit him over the summer. She only allowed herself to keep one thing from each, the white dress Luke had bought her for their first anniversary and the book of poems Viktor had written for her. Everything else had been purged. Every flower, stuffed animal, promise ring, apology card, and little "thinking of you" note burned, broken, and sold. Percy hadn't given her anything, other than hours of his time and sharp pains in her chest.

This will be a placeholder. She thought, turning the ring over in her hand. It wasn't very expensive and the detailing was perfect. Waves rippled over the edges as a few silver pearls filled in the empty spaces, meeting at a small shell emblem. It was fairly thin like a wedding band, yet it still looked too big to fit around her finger.

"May I see that ring?"

"Sure sweetheart." The kind looking old man smiled, opening the display for her.

She held the ring in her hand, her finger running over something engraved inside.

The sea doesn't like to be restrained.

The words barely fit inside the ring but that explained the size. It seemed ironic to be on what she assumed was a wedding ring, marriage being the ultimate restraint. That was probably why it was in a consignment shop and not on the hands of some man. It reminded her of Percy's reckless nature and the grin that followed after he did something that didn't get him killed. It was perfect for him yet doomed to sit in a box under her bed.

"Buying that for someone special?" The man asked as she walked over to the register.

She hesitated, Was Percy really that special to her? She was buying a ring in mourning of a relationship that never happened. A ring that reminded her of him. A ring that would never fit her but he would never wear. That was definitely some kind of special.

"Yes." She decided, passing the man the ring to bag.

"I'm glad," He beamed as he put the ring in a small box, "It's been sitting there for years, waitin' for someone like you to come and get it."

She smiled softly as he handed her the box, slipping into her back and grabbing her wallet. The total was smaller than the ring was worth but she assumed that was partly because of the ring's age and the happiness selling it seemed to bring the man.

As she left the shop her mind drifted back to Percy. She hadn't seen him all week, probably because she was avoiding him. She'd though he'd be easier to forget, having not done anything too monumental while they were fumbling through whatever the fuck that was. He stuck to her mind like honey, sweet and soft. But it stung to think of how little he wanted to do with her. It was weird getting rejected by someone who wanted you first. Annabeth was used to it by now, she always got left by someone who wanted her first. Luke technically didn't leave but he cheated, leaving emotionally first. The only common thread between all of her exs was their attraction to her leading to their lack of attraction to her after spending some time together. So the problem must have been her, there was no other logical conclusion. But there was no point in changing herself for others, her opinions of herself came before theirs. She'd learned that the hard way after the breakup with Luke. She hated getting up each day, looking in the mirror and hating everything about herself. She'd hated the burnt deadness of her over straightened hair. Hated the makeup she'd learned how to wear for him and the clothes in her closet that he'd liked out weighing the ones she liked. But she had hated the lines on her inner thighs the most. The cuts that she knew he'd had along his inner arms. The same cuts she'd urged him to stop, urged him to get help, crying over the phone to him all throughout highschool. The same cuts on herself leading to berating when she asked for help, threatening to tell her parents every time she did something he didn't like.

She knew you shouldn't hate yourself that much at 16 or 17 or 18. So she stopped straightening her hair. Stopped wearing things she didn't like. Stopped cutting. She took classes she wanted to and spent her time doing the things she loved. She joined Delta Chi for rooming, not Greek life, but ended up enjoying both. She made friends and she let herself live the way she wanted to. It wasn't worth it to be someone else if she hated herself. The only problem was Percy had never asked her to change. He was just there, existing beside her. She knew she could never see him again because of it, never trust her feelings around him. If he had some sense of knowing her and hadn't hated it, why did he suddenly feel the need to define their relationship? Space she could do, they hadn't spent much time apart before that so it was explainable. He'd been unable to look at her when he'd wanted space but he had no problem making eye contact when he said there was nothing between them. Why? Why was that easier? It was unexplainable and it was slowly killing her, cancerous to her mind as the days rolled by. She didn't have time for this, not today. She had to go meet the caterer, talk to the manager, make sure Jason had organized the transportation, and get ready. She was dreading going, everyone would be a drunk mess before 10pm and she'd have to stay to close with all the vendors. What a great way to spend her Saturday.