wish // 5SOS

30

"Oh bless you,"

"Axel has been really kind to me though. He helped me tidy my room and made me brave enough to talk to Calum after all that silent treatment. I feel so horrible,"

"Calum won't hold it against you. You got lucky. He will do what he knows is best for you even if you hate his guts in the process," Gabi said, "He bought you cake, you're fine,"

"Did you ever hate him?"

"Probably more than I liked him,"

"She is kidding," Maddox said, "He is an amazing person,"

"Yeah. I have discovered. Thank you for coming to be with us,"

"We were hoping to see you this weekend anyway,"

"Why?"

"Well, we wanna get your thought on something," Gabi said, "And we aren't really sure how to have this conversation without it sounding absolutely awful,"

"Have I done something? Am I too clingy? I am really sorry. I know I was texting you think week loads but I wasn't talking to Calum and I felt so lonely,"

"You haven't done anything,"

"Oh. Okay,"

"Have you found a home for your babies yet?" Maddox asked.

"No. They told me I need to start thinking about what I wanna do but I am so stressed. She is right. I am too stressed!"

"Well, we were wondering how you would feel if me and Gabi welcomed them into our home?"

"What? Like if I haven't found someone?"

"Like, be their mums, and look after them forever,"

Honestly, it took me by surprise. I didn't think they would want my babies. My DNA wasn't exactly appealing. I mean, this was a doctor, and a best selling author, who had the perfect house, and looked beautiful all of the time. They were rich, and intelligent, and I was nothing like them.

If I had to paint the perfect family, it would be the one I was in. They would be such great mums... but I wasn't sure how to cope with seeing my babies with them. Maybe it would be amazing, because I would get to see them grow up, and be loved and happy. On the other hand, I was giving them up. Would they be more mad or happy that I was closeby.

"You do not have to answer right now,"

"I am just confused,"

"I know it is a lot to make you think about. We feel so ready to be parents, and we know you are struggling a lot with all of this, so we thought we would give you the option,"

"So you would promise to look after them forever? Take them to school and stuff?"

"Yeah. We would be their parents, and we can make it clear the entire time that you are biological mummy,"

"I can see them still?"

"Of course. You are family,"

"Not as much as the babies if you look after them because they're your kids,"

"You're Calum's kid,"

"Can I just go and talk to him?"

"Of course,"

As I left the room, I could feel myself tearing up. My stomach was churning, and my hands were shaking too. Giving them up was too real all of a sudden. I was scared it was the wrong choice. Not for me, but for them. How awful was it if I was around their whole life and they didn't get me as their mum?

Or was that better? They would have so much fun with Gabi and Maddox. They would never go hungry, never go unloved, never get passed around. I could still show them love, and maybe they would understand why I had to make this decision. It wasn't easy and I knew it was never going to be easy.

I was still warming up to everyone really, but I knew Luke would be a good grandad, and that everyone else would love them so much. In a way I was almost jealous that my babies got a fresh start, and so much love.

"Charlie? Is that you?"

"I think I am going to pass out, Calum,"

"Woah, what's happened," he said, meeting me in the hallway, "Let's sit down,"

"I can see black spots,"

"Okay. Breathe with me,"

He put my hand on his chest and I felt it rising and falling, but I was struggling to follow.

"It is all gonna be okay. It is all gonna be alright,"

My heart was pounding really fast, and I felt really heavy, and sick. Suddenly I couldn't see anything properly, and his voice became quiet. Until the only thing I could hear was the ringing in my ears, and the only thing I could see was the hallway slipping away.