Take a look into my life! The chapters are not that long. If a chapter is longer it usually means that I am sharing a story or that I put texts into it.
Please do not leave hate comments and please do not report me for sharing my life with you guys...
I don't like my life right now. Everything goes wrong. It's like the universe hates me. Literally half of my family have been in the hospital this year. I just can't take it anymore. When are my parents going to notice that the pain isn't physical but mental?
My life has become this one big "I don't know."
My friends are nice. I think they like me. I'm not sure though. We were doing all kinds of quizzes today. You know, the ones where you can vote someone. One of my friends made a quiz and I wasn't one of the choices. Does she hate me? Maybe I just overthink too much. Anyways. I am not planning on publishing this. I don't want my friends to see it.
My grandma is out of the hospital. Yesterday my mother stayed with her and tonight my uncle will be with her. It's amazing how they still care so much about each other. I hope my grandma doesn't die. My cat died a few months ago and I am not ready to lose someone else yet.
My other grandma is doing better I think. She had a little cancer in her kidneys but they operated her and took it out. But what if the cancer comes back? I am quietly praying that if cancer comes back in the family, it will be me. Every night begging the gods the same. "Spare my family and take me instead." It sounds cringey but it is the only thing that I can think of.
Now my aunt. She had a sort of heart attack a week ago. It wasn't really a heart attack but it did look like it. Anyways, she ended up in the emergency room. She is better now, I guess.
Like you noticed, I don't really know if my family is okay. My parents almost never tell me anything and I have to overhear them to catch the news. It is horrible to find it out like that but it's how things go.
Am I stupid that I'm writing this? It's the first time I am writing in a diary and it helps a little bit. I am almost crying right now. I know that I am going to wake up tonight from a dream about Nala. She was my cat and she ran away at the end of the summer vacation. A few months later we heard from the animal ambulance that they found her, just not how we wanted to find her. She was amazing. I swear that you would love her if you knew her.
Anyway, I wake up every night because of a nightmare- Nevermind. Let's call it a dream. Every night I have a dream about her. People say that if you dream about dead people and animals that you know, it means you will die. I wouldn't mind. I would be happy because I will be able to see Nala again. I am a fan of Warrior Cats and I decided to give her a warrior name. Nightheart. What do you guys think?
I have an ash necklace with a little bit of her in it. My parents suggested to spread the ashes but I cried and screamed that I didn't want to lose her again. It's too painful. Anyways, what do you guys think?:
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If you read until here I am very impressed. But let's also focus on the good news.
A few months ago, in November, I participated in a talent recognition day. Today I got the e-mail if I was good enough to train in the elections. And yes! I am accepted! I am so happy because maybe now I can get further with basketball!
I am trying to think of more good news but I just can't find something in my mind that's good. If my friends were here they probably would have said that I can't find anything in my life because I am dumb. It's probably true though. I am failing in 4 of my classes. Which is 4 too much.
