Seraphine

thirty eight

Seraphine 

Soft, classical music plays from the radio Nico had brought from his room, now balanced on the edge of the countertop closest to the tub Seraphine rests in. 

She lifts a hand in the air, cradling a large bubble. 

In it, she finds her reflection, upside down. 

A laugh bubbles up in her chest, but her pursed lips don't let it escape. She pops the bubble with her free hand and sighs instead. 

This whole situation feels so familiar, yet so novel. Seraphine herself feels surreal, unreal. 

While Bach swirls around the room, her thoughts race in her mind. She can barely hear the ethereal music over her own memories, but she strains to try and block it all out. 

Seraphine's in tears within a minute, hugging her chest and lowering herself into the water until all she can see in the bubbles are her misty eyes. 

Why? Why me? Why him?  Why them?

A sob pushes past her lips and she hugs herself tighter, not caring that her breasts are tender from being squeezed and slapped and pinched, or that all over her body, her skin is rubbed red and raw from the washcloth.

She still feels dirty.

Will it always be like this? Seraphine wonders to herself, closing her eyes and letting the tears flow down her cheeks. Her cut stings, and her eye throbs, but she cries anyway.

She cries for herself, mostly. For the teenager who'd had such high hopes when she met Derek, and for the young woman he'd left shattered beyond repair.

For her family, that she'd left. For her old friends, that she'd forgotten. 

For each of her professors.

Seraphine cries until she has nothing left to expel, and she lays in the tub, thinking, until the water gets cold and the bubbles are gone and her fingers and toes are pruned. 

Even then, she stays in the water a little longer, and even sinks underneath the surface.

She blows out the air left in her nose and watches the bubbles creep towards the top, and then her gaze flits down to her body and she sees all of the damage that her ex-boyfriend and his friends had dealt. Her eyes start to burn, maybe from the water or maybe from more tears, but she can't tear her gaze away from her red skin, her bruised thighs, the scratches on her mound from Richard's nails, the bruises on her irritated breasts, her dark nipples. 

Seraphine stares at herself until she can't breathe, and only then does she resurface. She spits out water and coughs a few times, her throat and eyes stinging painfully, but she brushes it off. 

Nothing hurts more than what Derek did to her. 

Nothing will ever hurt as much as that.

Seraphine runs a hand through her wet hair and wrings out the length until she deems it okay to get out without dripping water everywhere. She leans forward and unplugs the drain, watching the water swirl and dip before standing up and squeezing her hair once more. 

She steps out of the tub onto shaky legs and grabs the towels left for her, wrapping one around her hair and the other around her body. 

She sits down on the toilet and cries some more. 

~~~

When Seraphine finally steps out of Luca's room and into the hallway, she's dressed in another set of Enzo's clothes--navy blue sweats she had to roll a few times and a gray crewneck, with white socks. She feels cozy and safe, and every few seconds on her way out the door she would duck her head so her nose would brush across the neckline of Enzo's shirt and inhale his scent. 

She's clutching her ruined dress, soiled panties, and lace bra when she opens the door, only to drop it all in surprise when she finds her four professors waiting outside for her. 

Enzo and Damien are sitting on the floor, in the middle of a game of rock-paper-scissors, and Nico and Luca are standing, Nico against the wall with his arms crossed and Luca in the middle of the hallway, his eyes trained on the door. 

A small gasp escapes her lips as she drops her clothes, and they all turn to her. Enzo and Damien get up from the floor and Nico pushes himself off the wall while Luca stays behind.

"S-Sorry," Seraphine stammers as she bends down, scooping up her clothes while her face flushes. "You surprised me," 

"We didn't mean to, darling. We all kind of just...ended up here," Damien says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Seraphine's lips quirk up as she imagines each professor finishing his task and coming to wait for her. 

For her. 

"How are you feeling, Seraphine?" Luca pipes up from a few feet away, the farthest of the professors from her, and her eyes flit to him. She looks at him, really looks, and sees the same thing she's seen on the other three men: despair. 

"Better, Luca. Thank you." She manages a small smile, and however fake it is, saying his name aloud seems to relax his shoulders a little. That makes her smile turn genuine. 

"I've made some chicken noodle soup, if that sounds good to anyone?" Damien offers, and though Seraphine's stomach churns at the thought of food, she knows she needs to eat at least a few bites. Her diet has been inconsistent these past few days because of Derek and her worrying, and she is a little hungry. 

"I'd like some, please," she says, and Damien lights up, going up to her and smiling widely. 

"Of course, darling. Would you like me to--" he reaches for her clothes, but Seraphine pulls them back into her chest and shakes her head. 

"No!" Her face flushes again, the idea of one of her professors touching her clothes after what had just happened to her--Derek, Richard, Dave, and John, yes, but also Nico's actions earlier--sending her into a panic.

Damien blinks at her and retracts his hand. Seraphine shuffles backwards, still clutching her clothes. 

"No, thank you. I-I'd like to dispose of these myself, if that's okay," she amends her earlier shout, and Damien nods. Her eyes drop to the floor for a moment, and when they lift again, they instantly connect with Luca's steel gaze.

"Oh, Luca, I hung up the towels I used on the hooks, I hope that's okay," Seraphine addresses him and his eyes widen slightly, as if she pulled him back into reality. He blinks a few times, and she suddenly feels guilty for tearing him from his thoughts. 

Luca runs a hand through his hair and nods. "Yes, that's fine, thank you." He rubs a hand over his eyes and down his face before looking back at Seraphine, and she smiles at him.

To her surprise, and pleasure, his lips lift a tiny bit back at her. 

"So, soup?"