EndGame || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 26 - Olivia

"Chief Steph--"

"Not now!".

I shut my door closed, but someone pushes it open before I can lock it.
"Leave, Aaron" I say avoiding to look at him.

He ignores me and proceeds to lock the door and close the blinds. "What happened?"

"Where is Rossi?" I ask

"He is interrogating a suspect downstairs. What's wrong?"

"Nothing".

He tilts his head, not believing me. He sees right through me. He hasn't seen me like this before and I feel so vulnerable. The pressure in my chest grows, becoming almost unbearable. Aaron touches my back and all my defenses melt away under his touch.

I step away and sit down. I'm shaking. I'm hyperventilating. I can't breathe properly. I hold my mouth and nose closed for a moment to keep myself from sobbing.

Aaron grabs my arms immediately and forces me to let go. "Are you crazy?" he asks, almost pissed at me

"I... I can't--"

"It's going to be ok. Whatever it is, it's going to be ok" he speaks as he wraps his arms around me.

His voice, his scent, his warmth, one by one they bring my walls. And I finally start crying. He tightens his hold of me and lets me take it all out on him. He doesn't speak, he doesn't complain. He's just here for me, and that realization makes me cry even harder.

•••

I have no idea for how long I've been crying. My throat is sore and I'm almost lightheaded. Aaron hasn't moved from my side. At some point he took my wrist, to keep track of my pulse as I cried in case it got too quick. He also offered to take my blood pressure once I was calmer.

"110 over 70" he reads the screen, "Within the normal range, but close to being high. We'll check it again later"

"I doubt I'll be any calmer from now on" I admit as I wipe my eyes again.

"I already asked once, but I am not going to ask again. I understand if you don't want to share it with me" he mentions

"It's not that I don't want to tell you what happened... But it's a long, painful story"

"Ok".

"Ok? Just like that?" I ask surprised

"Yes. Do you want me to call Dave? He's probably done with the interrogation by now" he suggests

"No". I take his hand, "Thank you for staying"

"Of course" he rubs my hand.

Those memories are not pleasant. However, telling might be better than keeping him in the dark about this. He needs to know in order to be able to protect himself in case things get out of hand. And I could use his help -I don't want to drive him into overworking himself. But he deserves to know.

"Dwayne Chax is back...", another tear escapes my eye and I wipe it off quickly.

"You don't have to tell me"

"I need to. Because I might be in danger and someone has to know where to start looking if something happens. I need someone to keep me sane. I can't face this alone" I insist

"Hey, I'm right here for whatever you need" he rubs my back.

"When I was graduating from the academy, Andy Swann approached me with an offer. She was very clear to me from the beginning that she wants to send me undercover to gather leads about a suspected trafficking operation in Arizona. I matched their known victim pool and that is why she chose me. So, I accepted that offer as my first job in the bureau. I was paired up with another agent, SSA Rosaline Johnson. She was more experienced in these types of situations and she was posing as my sister in that scenario. We were sent in a small town in Arizona posing as college students.

"Everything was going according to plan, we confirmed the existence of the operation, we gathered so much information and we were sending it back to the bureau. 5 months and 6 days later, on October 13th, I woke up in the morning but something felt off. It was too quiet to the point you couldn't even hear a clock ticking. I remember I grabbed my gun before even leaving my room. I stepped into the hallway and then darkness...

"I woke up in a wooden box, not bigger than 4x4x4. I was in and out of consciousness. I ended up in Mexico, along with the rest of the victims. There were women and underaged girls there held up in cells, and many other guarding everything. I spend the following two days learning their patterns. I spotted the weaknesses right away and I went for it.

"Of course, I was caught and they realized pretty quickly I was law enforcement. So they took me to the boss. He...".

I choke up. I squeeze my thighs together as much as possible as the painful memories return to me.

"He said he wasn't going to kill me because he didn't like to get his hands dirty. I was chained down in a basement alone for three more days until they found me. He was the only one allowed to be there, and you can probably imagine what happened..." I sob. Aaron pulls me to his chest again and holds me tightly.

I collect every last bit of energy I have left to continue. "It's not over yet. Because in his attempt to escape and not leave any witnesses once they located him, he injected me with potassium chloride. I felt my heart stop, I felt the darkness and cold take over. And for a moment I was ok with it because I wouldn't have to feel what I feel now. But in some magical way they managed to get me back. I was in a medically induced coma for a week and kept getting worse day by day. I was in heart failure which caused me heart attacks, and the heart attacks were worsening the heart failure situation. I woke up a month later with a gift by my left shoulder" I point the spot where my pacemaker used to be in.

"When did they catch him?" Aaron asks

"They didn't. There was a multiple hour car chase, and eventually they shot him down and he fell in the ocean in his car. There was never a body and they didn't find the car in the following 2 months they were searching, but it was a safe bet that he would be dead. And now he isn't..."

"And you're scared"

"Terrified. Things I fought to get over in therapy and thought I had left behind, came back as soon as Andy said his name earlier. I remember everything. I can still feel him. I can smell him. I can taste him. And I am disgusted with myself". I don't dare to look at him.

"None of that was your fault"

"So many times I wished I had died in that basement. And I tried to end it. Then I wouldn't have to feel like this"

"No, don't say that, please" he begs me

"I should have died--"

"No, Liv. No!" he raises his voice. "No" he repeats calmer this time and hugs me again. "I'm really sorry all that happened to you, you didn't deserve any of it and you are not at fault. But don't ever say that again".

"I can't go through all that again" I confess

"You won't have to. I promise you I'll be with you every step and he won't touch you again".

I want to believe him so bad, but deep down I know he can't control that. I don't say anything. Instead, I just hug him back and I let myself feel safe for a bit.