Mirrors

Three

She was talking about her sister, Danielle. "Oh shit, I forgot Danielle was even pregnant, What did you get her, from us?" I chuckled while replying.

Mark and CJ sat down, they were laughing about something, but I was half-listening, waiting for Jaliyah's reply. My phone vibrated. "A stroller, car seat, and some clothes. I even bought a car seat for myself to have, I'll need it when Aunties baby is with me🥰." Jaliyah always had a thing about being the best auntie.

She then sends another text. " Us?🤣🤣". I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, us! She's having a boy, right? Yeah, we definitely need the car seat for when we have our nephew for the weekend. I need to get you prepared, anyway" I sent to her. She then sends me a picture of her giving me the middle finger. I was playing around, but part of me wasn't.

I quickly started typing again. "What? You do need to be prepared. You having 3 of my babies, shorty."

"Who are you texting, bro?" Mark suddenly asked.

I looked up from my phone. "My girl, man," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

He laughed and shook his head. "Mans like him."

It was getting late, and I realized it was time to dip. "Aye, I'm getting up out of here," I announced to my boys. They all nodded in agreement, and we started to gather our things to leave.

As I settled into the SUV, my phone buzzed with a new message from Jaliyah. Her words were direct, "Nigga, you have 3 sons! You have all the children you need. You don't need any more. And I'm not having your baby!" That text hit me harder than I expected. It took me back to a time years ago when things were a lot simpler between us, yet so complicated. She was pregnant once, back when we were just kids. We were way too young, and she ended up getting an abortion. It's not something I've spoken about much, actually, not at all. Jaliyah might have told others. I've only known of her cousin knowing, only because we needed her when going to the clinic. I'm only guessing that she was the only one that knew.

Sitting there in the truck, a wave of 'what-ifs' washed over me. If things had been different, I would've been a father to an 18-year-old by now. The thought was both overwhelming and somewhat surreal. I shook my head, trying to clear these thoughts, and typed out a message to Jaliyah. "Do you ever think about all those years ago?" I asked, hitting send. I knew that she would know what I meant.

I watched the screen as the indication that she was typing appeared. I put my phone down, looking out the window into the New York night, lost in thought while Chubbs chattered away on his phone. My phone vibrated again. Jaliyah's reply came through. "Yeah, all the time. It didn't really hit me until you found out about Adonis. The what ifs would constantly run through my mind," she wrote. Another text followed quickly.

"There were a lot of what-ifs, but everything happens for a reason. We wouldn't have been able to handle a baby back then. You were living in Toronto, living your life, and I would have been in Memphis, basically with no help."

Her words were a stark reminder of how different our lives were and how different our lives could've been. The reality of our situation back then was harsh, we just weren't ready for such a huge responsibility.

"Look, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in Toronto. Good night," her final text read.

I stared at the screen for a while, absorbing her words. Then, snapping back to reality, I texted her back, "Good night, I love you, please know that." It was important for me to say that, to let her know that despite everything, my feelings for her were real.