Hidden Away

Thirty-Eight: Betrayal

"I know," I mutter, pulling both braids over my shoulders and repeating the phrase again, as if I don't believe myself. "I know. I just don't want them to care as much as they do. Especially when I don't care about keeping myself safe." I sigh. Lily steps away from me as I rise from my seat. "I don't care what happens to me in the process. And I just wish I could do what needs to be done without someone trying to stop me." 

Lily delivers a sigh of her own. "Well..." she starts, trailing off before stealing a moment to think of what she wants to say. "That's why we're here," she replies, referring to herself and the family of friends we've created. "To make sure you won't do something that'll get you killed. Because whether you believe it or not, whether you care about keeping yourself safe or not, we care. We won't let you get yourself hurt." Our eyes meet. "And I think it's selfish of you to resent the fact we care about you."

A knock at the door stops her from saying anything else and me from replying. And I'm grateful for it because I have no idea what I would have said in return. I don't even think any words would have dared to escape my lips. My eyes break away from Lily as I get up and step toward the door, opening it to find my brother on the other side of it, a stack of black leather clothing in his arms. "I brought these for you to wear," he says, handing me a soft smile along with the clothing. "They're thick enough to protect you from minor sword swipes and things like that," he explains. "But I wouldn't trust them fully. You still have to be careful."

I take the clothing from him and step back. Rowan enters the room and his eyes land on our cousin, offering her the same soft smile. "Thanks," I finally say. Turning back to him, I notice the exhaustion on his face that hasn't left since our parents died. His piercing blue eyes look dull with his lack of sleep. He looks so much like our father when he would go days without sleeping due to the stress he was under.

"How's your arm?" his eyes land on the bandage around my upper arm. "Is it bad?"

"It's fine," I reply, shrugging. "It's almost healed." I suddenly notice the hurt in his eyes. Bennett or Levi must've told him about my small injury, which means he must be upset that I allowed myself to get hurt and didn't even bother to tell him about my excursion at the Destroyer base. He doesn't understand that I couldn't tell him otherwise he would try to stop me from going, and I'm afraid if he had begged enough that I would've listened to him, and we wouldn't know what we do right now. 

His lips form a straight line. "That's good," he says simply. "I'll leave you to finish getting ready." He turns to leave, but when he opens the door, he cranes his head toward me. "Just in case I don't get to see you again before tonight, please promise me you'll be safe," he says, a certain twinge in his eye that begs me to comply.

"You too," I smile, ignoring his demand for a promise I'm not sure I'll be able to keep.

My brother sighs in acceptance to my answer and steps out, closing the door. I suddenly wonder if he heard what Lily and I were saying through the door before he knocked. I know he also isn't fond of the decisions I've made and am making, but I am not going to let his disapproval stop me from what I have to do in order to bring an end to the Destroyers and their rebellion. I know everyone including Rowan is worried about my safety, but they fail to understand that I shouldn't be the priority in this situation. Better I get hurt than hundreds of other innocent people get hurt or even worse. 

"You didn't promise," Lily comments softly as I turn to her. 

"A promise is worth nothing when you know you're not going to keep it, Lily," I reply. "What kind of person would it make me if I promise him something knowing I'm not going to honor it?" I walk past her, leaving the question to hang in the air. Dropping the pile of clothing on the bed, I head back to the door. "I'm going to find Evan," I tell her, leaving the room.