mona lisa , chris sturniolo

28 | lipstick stains

♫ small talk / niall horan ♫
☆
nothing feels higher
when i see that look in your eyes
tell me what you want because you know i want it too
i've been thinking what i'd do when i'm alone with you
look what you're doing to me

🍊 🍊 🍊

| real life | social media |

real life

The days following my lunch with Callie pass in a blur. The boys have been fairly busy with work, leaving me to fill my time however I please. I caught up on work, had another therapy appointment, spent an afternoon on facetime with my siblings, went to the beach with Madi, and spent a significant amount of time hanging out with Callie.

The boys and I fall into a habit of going out for dinner once they're home from whatever work stuff they had going on that day, and our evenings are spent at home watching movies, playing games, and goofing off.

Chris and I haven't had any moments alone since we went skating, but I find myself continuing to grow increasingly aware of him. I could be sitting in the living room talking to Matt with my back facing the stairs, yet somehow I can practically feel when Chris enters the room, even if he is dead silent. My pulse jumps whenever his hand brushes mine, and I am craving his presence like never before.

Callie says I need to grow a pair and tell him how I feel, but something is still holding me back. As much as I love Chris, I am mildly uncomfortable with the power he now holds over me, and I can't help but think about how it would destroy me if I were to lose him. I'm just starting to move on and heal from losing my dad; I don't know if I could ever get over losing Chris as it is, so I can't bear to consider how much losing him would hurt if I let him mean more to me than he already does.

So I continue to dance around my feelings for my best friend. I constantly find myself wanting more, but the icy feeling of fear crawling up my spine prevents me from doing anything to change Chris and I's friendship.

When Friday night rolls around, I find myself being dragged to a party hosted by one of the boys' influencer friends. I am more than happy to go, since it has been far too long since I have been to a party, and I am always thrilled to have an excuse to put on a hot outfit, but the grumpy triplet sitting next to me is not sharing in my enthusiasm.

"I fucking hate parties," Matt grumbles, sinking lower in his seat as our uber races along the highway.

The sun has already set, allowing the bright glow of Los Angeles to light up the dark skyline. The highway is bustling with cars, but our uber driver confidently navigates the congestion, his low voice humming along quietly to the radio. Nick is sitting in the front seat next to him, and Matt and Chris are on either side of me in the back.

Nick groans at Matt's complaint, turning slightly in his seat to glare at his brother. "Shut the fuck up. We all know how you feel."

"For the record, I don't really want to be going either," Chris pipes up next to me, avoiding Nick's harsh gaze as he fiddles with the edge of his black fresh love t-shirt. "We barely even know this guy, I don't understand why we're going."

"We've been over this," Nick snaps, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "If we're serious about having lots of guests on our podcast, we need to actively be making more connections. And Larray said that everyone is going to be at this party, so if we're not there, it'll look bad."

"If everyone's going, no one will notice if we're not there," Matt mumbles, pulling at a loose hangnail.

"Bryn's happy to be going," Nick points out, scowling at each of his brothers in turn. "Maybe you both need to see things from her perspective."