You make me feel special

Chapter 5

"You're blaming him because you're afraid." I say. "Nova, you don't know how I feel or who I am. To you that's why I'm different. You know my experiences but nothing else."

"I didn't think about that. But that doesn't change anything. I'm here to help you." She said.

"How?" I ask.

"We're going to talk about it." She said uncertainly.

It's only her and I in this room now. Nothing has been said. We've just been staring at each other. This is so weird. I don't know what to say to her. Or how to act. All I know is that this me in front of me, she had experienced the neglect and abuse from our parents. I need to think about the centre of my issues. That is a major one. It's the first time I lost control. The first time I got to talk to my demons. But how are we going to heal with this. Whatever is going to happen all I know is that we need to do this.

"Talk to me how you felt after it." I said.

"I felt scared. I didn't know how to react. All I knew is that it's made me something. But I don't know what. I thought I was a monster. I still think that." Young Nova said.

"So do I. But we aren't a monster. Aiden told me that. Even though it was for a different thing." I reply.

"You love him." She examined.

"I think so. I've never felt this way before. I remember grandma's words." I start saying.

"When you feel your heartbeat quicker and longing for someone. That's when you know you're in love." She interrupted.

"It runs through my mind. But I also feel the love that grandma used to give us. I feel that from Aiden. But a different type of love." I say.

"I'm glad that we find love later. Especially with what we've been through with our parents." She says.

"I'm glad too. I never thought I could be loved again. We didn't deserve what happened to us and for that I'm sorry." I say.

"I hated it. Every moment of it." She said.

"It's not your fault." My demons say. "If you are to blame anyone it should be your parents."

"We did nothing wrong." I said.

"We didn't listen." Young Nova said.

"Nova if we listened to what they said things would be worse. They wanted us to kill our neighbours." I say angrily. "No innocent person's life should be taken from them. They did nothing to deserve that."

"But we did take people's lives!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, because we lost control! Nova, they hit us. Kicked us. We were on the ground wishing for death. Wishing for it to stop. Our own parents! They neglected us. They didn't love us. They pretended to when they wanted something. They deserved what happened." I explained.

"No one deserves to die." She said quietly.

"I used to believe that. But all I've been through. Sometimes it's for the best. We lost control because they provoked it. It was for a reason it always is. When we burnt down the room. Threw them against the wall and watched them burn what did we feel?" I ask.

"Relief." She said guiltily.

"Exactly. And we felt guilt afterwards. We felt relief because we were free. Nova Nick saved us. He knew we were dangerous, but he saved us. He fought for us. He nearly lost his job for us. Jason saved Nick's job. We were all kids." I say.

"Does the guilt go away?" She asked.

"Not until now. This is the first time in a while that I don't feel guilty about it. I see the truth. We weren't listening because we were new at it. We didn't ever want to think about it again because it hurt to." I say. "I finally see the lesson."