Dormant

Chapter 15

Tristian

A few days had passed since my night out with Natasha and her friends, and there was now only one month left until the second semester started. My original goal was to break apart her little friend group by second semester and leave her friendless for the rest of the year, but a small feeling in my stomach left my tongue dry.

I've seen the way she leans on these people for support. Support she's never gotten before. They're so comfortable around her despite only knowing her for four months. They know every single thing about her. Well, not everything.

Sometimes it's physically painful to hold a grudge, isn't it? I'm torn.

It would be a dick move to befriend these guys, just so my plan can move accordingly and ruin their friendship with Natasha.

The sworm of thoughts in my head cause me to launch a pair of shoes at my wall as I groan softly.

"Can you try to not break my wall?" Andy shouts from the living room.

I don't answer after I fall into my cluttered bed, trying my best to ignore the small pile of clothes on it that still need to be folded and put away.

"Don't get into trouble," My eyes flutter shut as I picture my nagging mother and her wide words. "Just take your pictures and get out of here."

***
It was the first day back from thanksgiving break, and I'm happy to say that Natasha wasn't in communications class today. The last thing I need right now is a constant reminder of rejection and a craving for vengeance. It sure is hard to not hold grudges.

It was my third class today, Intro to Photography, which was probably the only class I was genuinely looking forward to. As soon as I walked in I was met with the faces of people who looked like they knew what they were doing. As my eyes scanned the rows of my classmates, I identified the uniqueness of each without a problem. Then there was me, waddling over to the last row with my head in the clouds.

My professor didn't waste any time jumping into the subject as usual. The class always consisted of piles of assignments, and never any actually picture taking. Which is why I spent most of my time doing that outside of class. I was nodding off like I usually do, until I heard the word 'project', and my head shot up from the desk immediately.

"In spirit of the upcoming new year, you're going to create a slideshow or canvas of your past self, something you didn't quite fancy, and compare that to someone new. Someone you aspire to be. If you think you can do this assignment without a problem, then you shouldn't be in my class. Photography is not just taking pictures. It's more than that. If you actually did all of our assignments this semester, then you would know what I'm talking about. You have three weeks, which should be plenty of time. This is worth 90% of your grade, so please don't half ass anything. Talk amongst yourselves, or feel free to leave early and start your assignment."

I can already see the lightbulbs lighting up on top of everyone's heads, except for me of course.

Great. This assignment is going to fuck me upside me down. How can I capture my 'past self' when I'm still the exact same person? When I'm still an angry little girl looking for ways to let out all my built up emotions?

This entire time, my anger's been a shield to protect myself from getting hurt again. I lost myself in the midst of everything, and now I have to find myself again. Is there anything left to like beneath all this rage and feeling of betrayal?

I hope this isn't some kind of self portrait assignment either. As surprising as it sounds, I have even more trouble with liking the way that I look. Every self portrait I've taken was an attempt to see myself through a kinder lens. Times where I felt...enough. But this? To display my flaws, out in the open, it's like trying to navigate a map of a place I've never been. And the journey? It's terrifying. Because my 'new self' is just as lost as my 'past self'.

Maybe that's what Natasha sensed about me when we first met. That's why she picked on me so much. Am I easy to read?

"Okay, stop." I whisper to myself and rub my eyes at an attempt to get my thought process on the right track.

"Also," My instructor raises his voice to the class, pulling his glasses up to see us clearly. "The person with the best canvas or presentation will have their work displayed at the art show, which takes place a few days before the semester ends. Not to worry you guys or anything." He chuckles to himself and continues to bury his face into his laptop.

I groan, rubbing my hands across my face. "Ah hell.."

***
Another short chapter for this week <3 * more to come!!