Red vs Blue (Season One) | A Courier Guy (Male Oc)

(Eps 14) Roomier Than it Looks

Church: I said, just keep movin-

Tucker: (Over radio) I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said "hi" later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset? Courier, please keep him down.

Church: (severs the connection) Oh my god. I can't believe I actually died for this war.

Cut to Grif looking through a sniper rifle. Church can be seen running through the background towards Red Base.

Grif: I don't see any- (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh. Yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) ...Why is he just standing there?

Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock, with 404 beside Caboose crouching behind a different rock.

Tucker: Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you.

Caboose: They can't see me. I can't see them!

Tucker: That's because you're facing the rock.

Caboose: (looks at the base) Oh. Right. (ducks behind the rock)

Tucker: Real smooth, dipshit.

404: (Sighs) They already saw us. I'm just going to pretend they didn't see us.

Cut to Sarge on Red Base.

Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidew- (Church enters Sarge's body) Wa-kika-herger!

Grif: Sir, are you okay?

Church as Sarge: Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?

Grif: (sarcastically) No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding.

Lopez takes a swing at Grif who steps back.

Grif: Hey, what'd I tell you about that?

Church: Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, god damn Blues out here. They got me so god damn mad, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)

Grif: ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?

Church: Uh, yeah. I guess I did.

Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?

Church: Go ahead.

Grif: That's really fucking gross.

Cut to Caboose crouching down.

Caboose: Hey, Tucker?

Tucker: What?

Caboose: I'm having a really good time... with... you and Logie.

Tucker: (Annoyed) That's great, Caboose.

Caboose: Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers.

Tucker: Would you please go hide behind another rock?

404: Caboose, come over here.

Caboose: Okay! Coming!

Caboose scurries over to join 404 behind the rock, leaving Tucker slightly exasperated.

Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are.

Church: Hey, man. What's up, yo?

Simmons: Uh... hey...? What's going on out there, sir?

Church: What's, uh.. why nothin'. Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?

Simmons: I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.

Church: Yeah, well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there ..other Red guy. So I'ma keep my eye on you.

Simmons: (turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-

Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down.

Simmons: Ow, geez, the back of my head!

Tex: What the hell are you doing!?

Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.

Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.

Church: What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.

Church leaves Sarge.

Sarge: Hurk! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?

Church: Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter.

Tex: ...Okay.

Church: What? That's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?

Tex: No. It pretty much all makes sense.

Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?

Tex: I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious...

Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy, and we'll get outta here.

Sarge: (as Church re-enters him) Huuurk!

Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker  and 404 near him.

Tucker: What're you doing?

Caboose: One of the Reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends.

404: How about you take out both of them?

Tucker: Oh, come on. You don't actually believe any of that, do you? Courier, save your kill list for another time.

404: No fun.

Caboose: (taking aim on Sarge's head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends.

Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the Red Base.

Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape. Ready? One... Two... Thre-!

Caboose shoots Sarge in the head, and his body falls down.

Church: What the? Where did my body go!? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!

Caboose: Tucker did it!