S1 E4: Head Noob in Charge

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Bell: "Huh?! I–Uh–It's...If we lose the flag, we lose our jobs!" She exclaims, then turns away from everyone.

Church: "See, it's that important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag."

Tucker: "Right."

Church: "So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."

Caleb: "Okay, that makes sense."

Caleb salutes and walks towards the base with Michael, but Calynn suddenly stops him, while Michael turns around.

Caboose: "Uh, how will I know when I see him?"

Tucker: "There's only four of us out here, rookie. He's going to be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."

Church: "Now get in there and don't come out!" He yells before turning to Tucker and Bell. "Man! That guy is dumber than you are!"

Calynn: "Hey, I told you not to talk to my brothers like that!" She says, pointing her finger at Church.

Church: "You can't tell me what to do, I'm the captain." He then sees Caleb standing next to Calynn. "And didn't I order you to stand with your brother?"

Calynn: "Actually, you're a private. I'm a Private First Class. You know what, I'm going to the top of that cliff to keep a lookout." She says, then turns to Caleb. "Caleb, come with me." She leaves

Caleb: "Okay." He leaves with her.

Bell: "I hate lying to people." She says, referring to Church and Tucker lying to Michael.

Church: "Eh, you'll get used to it." He says, making Bell let out a small whine.

Michael steps out from the base.

Caboose: "Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?"

Church: "Oh my god, WHAT!?" He turns to Bell and Tucker. "Tucker, Bell, I swear I'm gonna kill him."

Caboose: "Sorry about calling your girl a slut."

Church: "ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"

As Caboose walks back into the base, Tucker turns around and laughs. Church turns to him

Church: "Tucker, are you laughing at me?"

Donut walks up behind Church, who has his back turned. Bell looks at him.

Bell: "Uh, Church?"

Donut: "Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?"

Church: "Dear God in heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside–I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do to you!"

Bell: "Church?"

Donut: "What did I do?

Church "One!"

Donut: "Aw, give me a break!"

Church: "Two!"

Donut: "Fine!" He turns around and walks into the base.

Bell: "Church?" She says.

Church: "Bell. Shut up." He orders.

Bell: "Y-Yes, sir. Sorry, Sir."

Inside the base, Donut walks up to Caboose.

Caboose: "Wow, you got here fast!"

Donut: "Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?"

Caboose: "I'm not, sir. What can I do for you?"

Donut: "Finally, someone with a little respect around here."

Caboose: "Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this..."

He turns towards the flag

Donut: "Wait, is this all you have?"

Caboose: "Uh, yes, sir. That's it!"

Donut: "Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?"

Caboose: "Uhmm..."

Donut: "Headlight fluid?"

Caboose: "No. All we have is this flag."

Donut: "Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that."

Caboose: "Sure, that makes sense. I guess?"

Donut grabs the flag and leaves with it.

Donut: "Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag."

Outside the base, Church, Bell, and Tucker continue looking at the tank.

Church. "Well, enough gabbing out of us. Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."

Tucker: "Me? I can't drive that thing!" He says

Church: "You're telling me you're not armor-certified?"

Tucker: "I ca- I don't even know how to use the fuckin' sniper rifle!

Church: "What about you, Bell?"

Bell: "-I'm not getting in that thing. It's t-to big and loud for me. Do you know how to drive that thing?" She asks Church.

Church: "NO! Holy crap! Who is running this army?!"

Michael peaks out from the base.

Caboose: "Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the general stopped by and picked up the flag!"

Church: "Yeah, okay. Whatever, moron!" He yells while Michael walks back into the base. "Why would they give us a tank if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing...? Wait a second. What did he just say?"

Bell: "I did try to bring it up." She mutters.

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Sorry this one took so long. I've been really busy with real life stuff. I've recently lost my uncle. But as always, I hope ye enjoyed. I'll publish the next chapters in a set of 3

Word count: 1316

Word count: 1316

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For Simon. R.I.P

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