Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain | Ryan || Yellowstone

Chapter 15

I watched as Ryan finished saddling his horse.

When he was done, he motioned for me to mount. I did, and he got on behind me.

"Now you go where I tell you to go, alright?"

He nodded. "Alright."

And we went out of the stables, and I led him to my clearing.

_____

I hoped, prayed, and wished the whole ride there that nothing would attack us in that clearing. Not a mountain lion, not a rattlesnake, but I mostly prayed that I wouldn't mess this up myself.

"It's beautiful," Ryan said as we emerged from the trees into the meadow.

I nodded as I dismounted. The flowers had grown back, I realized. The moon and the stars lit up the clearing, casting all of it in a blue glow.

I faced Ryan and took a deep breath. "Sit with me?" I said and walked to the middle of the clearing.

Ryan nodded, and after tying his horse up, sat in the grass next to me.

I leaned back on my hands and looked up at the stars. "I rode that horse for fifteen years because I don't deserve a good horse," I started. "Harley was nothing special, but that's what I wanted. I told myself I didn't deserve anything good unless I worked for it. So I took Harley and I worked with him and made him a decent horse, but-" I scoffed. "He was still a shit horse."

Ryan nodded. "That he was."

I looked around at the trees and saw the branches swaying in the light breeze. "When I was fifteen, my father one night came home drunk." I took a deep breath in and tried to calm my pounding heart. I saw Ryan look at me from the corner of my eye. "He had brought a few of his friends home. My mom was at work because my father couldn't bother to make money for his family, so I was at our apartment, alone. My father had never done anything to me before, but he always yelled at my mom, but this night was different. Maybe he had drunk too much, or maybe it was because his friends were with him, but... My mom came home from work later than normal and found me beaten and bloody, passed out on the carpet, my dad and his friends nowhere to be seen. She took me to the hospital and I was there for three days, getting bandaged and put back together.

When we came back home, my father was waiting for us, his friends were there too, playing cards and drinking. The whole place rotted with the smell of their filth. My mom pushed me into my parent's room and told me to lock the door. I did as she said, not thinking straight or maybe not thinking at all, and I heard my father and his friends start hurting her. Then I remembered the gun my father kept in his drawer... an MK 23, a nice gun. I came out of the room with the gun loaded and pointed in front of me. My father laughed as he saw me, shaking as I walked towards him and his friends. Then I saw my mother on the floor, her head caved in and her shirt torn off." I wiped the tears that streamed down my cheeks and looked back up at the stars. "I blew that place to shit. Nothing was left in that apartment except blood and bullet holes in the walls. I shot my father fifteen times for what he did to me and my mother."

There was a moment of silence, and then I said, "The police had me in the station, but I disappeared before they could question me. It was John Dutton who had gotten me out of there. He was around the area, I guess, and had seen all the commotion. He offered me a job here and," I unbuttoned my shirt so that my brand was visible, "I gave myself this because he said he couldn't do it."

I looked at Ryan finally. He stared at me, and there was a tear running down his cheek. 

"This brand, Ryan, means I do things for this ranch that aren't inside the law." I took a shaky breath and tried to steady myself. "I killed Fred," I said. "I've killed others who have threatened this ranch."

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him. "When you told me you loved me, I left so that you could forget the image you had of me. Because I am not who you think I have been the last twenty years we've known each other, Ryan. I left because I loved you too much to hurt you with my past. I left because-" Tears streamed down my face and I shook my head. "Because I don't deserve your love, not after all that I've done-" My voice broke and I put my hands in my face.

I felt Ryan stand up next to me, and for a horrifying moment, I thought he would leave me right here in that clearing. 

But I felt him pull my hands away from my face, and I looked up to see him sitting in front of me, his legs spread apart so that he could be close to me.

"You are exactly who I know you are, Cassandra," He said quietly as he held my face in his hands. "You say you don't deserve anything good in your life, but for twenty years, I have watched you love the people around you. I have seen you help them and be kind to them. I've seen you laugh and work harder than anyone else. I don't care about the things you've done, Cassie. I would have done the same things you did, those fuckers deserved it-"

"But Fred didn't-"

"Yes, he did. If he hadn't been taken off the ranch he would've ended up killing someone in his blind rage." Ryan swiped his thumbs across my tears once more. "You don't have to stay away from me to protect me, Cassie- I love you-"

I cut him off as I burst forward and tackled him, and pressed my lips against his. It took him a moment, but he kissed me back softly, then passionately as his hands ran up and down my back.

I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled apart to look at him. 

He looked at me with wide eyes, and the corner of his mouth was lifted.

My hands moved to hold his face, and I got close to him. "I have loved you since I met you," I said in a low voice. "And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it-"

This time Ryan cut off my words as he kissed me. His hands gripped my waist and my fingers ran through his hair as he pulled me closer. 

He pulled apart just barely, our lips still almost touching. "Don't ever leave me again," He muttered, his voice low.

My stomach flipped as I nodded and murmured against his lips, "I love you."