Total Drama World Tour: my dumb self made a self-insert

Rapa Phooey!

Heather: Boyfriends come and go, but girlfriends are forever. And girl to girl, it is my duty to warn you. Alejandro is trying to destroy your marriage. You need to get him out of your experience and the game.

Sierra: Ha! Heh. Oh, you're so funny.

Heather: Funny weird, or funny "I'm gonna vote for Alejandro at the next elimination"?

Sierra: As if you want Alejandro to leave. You're so into him, his kidneys are getting crowded. [confessional] Between me and Cody-Wody and the Heather-Alejandro love fest, this plane is starting to feel like one huge double date in a can. Well, 'cept for Bentley, Chris and Chef. Chef isn't really Chris' type, and first time I say this, I'm still not sure about Bentley.

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Chris: [over PA] Attention, passengers! Please prepare for landing! [to Chef] Come on, just let me fly it once! What can it hurt? It's technically my plane, you know.

Chris and Chef: [grunting]

Chris: Ow, my pinkie!

Chef: Hey!

Chris: Oh no! Wah!

Chef: Gosh darn it!

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Alejandro: Another piece of world heritage destroyed.

Heather: That is not the only chiseled rock that is going to get destroyed today.

Alejandro: Chiseled, you say?

Heather: [laughs nervously] I-I said gristled. Arrogant much?

Cody: Al, you've gotta try this taffy!

Alejandro: Alejandro. And I am not hungry.

Cody: That's the beauty of candy. No hunger required! Gobsmackers, jelly roaches, sour ears! Mm.

Sierra: Cody! Honey, look at you! Oh, you've changed so much. Way taller!

Cody: [chuckles] Think so?

Sierra: I'm going to have to trim your hair and your nails.

Heather: Aw, anybody got a camera? You guys are too cute!

Sierra: [confessional] Heather always manages to stay in this game way longer than you'd expect. And I've studied Total Drama long enough to know alliances never last! So I'm open to all offers, but I'll never make the mistake of staying loyal to anyone long term. Except my sugar-frosted Cody-O. [chuckles]

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[bird squawking]

Chris: Iorana.

All: Ah!

Sierra: Wow, Chris. You've been working out.

Chris: And welcome to Easter Island. AKA, Rapa Nui. Place is old. These dudes were carved so long ago, no one even remembers why anymore. Ten bucks says it started as a dare.

Heather: Twenty bucks says get on with it.

Chris: Yeah. Today, you, our final four, are going on a highly traditional Easter Island egg hunt.

Cody: For chocolate Easter eggs?

Chris: Uh, no. I'm talking the old school kind of eggs, that come from birds, you know? Those flying things with feathers and talons and vicious "kill you in a second" beaks.