Ice Cold Heart | A 'Honkai: Star Rail' Fanfiction

Chapter 14 - A Journal and a Traced Dream

(Image Credit: Unfinished Jingliu art my friend was working on! [Fun fact: it was supposed to be the cover art, but college caught up to the both of us and they couldn't finish it so we just let it go.])

Using this chapter to test out some gimmicks! Let me know if they were executed well or of they kinda flopped, thanks! ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ

As a Former Sword Champion and Cloud Knight, many a time I've written reports on battles, filed information on myself and fellow soldiers, even aided in the writing of articles on our successes...

...Not once have I articulated my own thoughts into writing. Given the severity of my condition, the situation I find myself in, and the lack of any other soul to express these feelings that have been bottling up inside me for centuries, perhaps writing them down will aid in easing my internal tensions.

I suppose that the first step in that is dropping all the prestige that I've once been known for and reveal myself fully as the flawed being I am. Funny, I started this out by introducing my successes, successes that have long since been forgotten and erased in all of the Xianzhou's records. An immediate reflection I can draw from this–I am unable to let go and forget, ironic given the curse that I have been afflicted with.

Many memories of mine have been foggy and corrupted, all covered through a thick cloud of mist that I am unable to look through, and yet echoes of the past continue to haunt me. After many hours alone with thoughts, my own or otherwise, I've come to realize that failure is what truly haunted me for all my mara-stricken life. Any memory of joy and love I shared with family and friends is silenced behind a haze of the reminders of my shortcomings and the darkness I brought upon my loved ones as a result.

Through writing, I hope to apologize and make amends to everyone I've wronged and everyone I've failed... I don't expect anyone to read this, if I live then I'll even do my best to keep this hidden, but I suppose this is for my own sake, to finally realize and accept my mistakes even if nobody will be there to forgive me of my sins.

To the Four that have made my life, happy... Thank you all, for everything... I was never one to ever express my feelings, a small smile is all you'd ever get, but inside I did cherish every moment we had spent together... Perhaps that's why my failures continue to make me feel worse... Because now I'd wished you'd all have known the real me...

Perhaps the closest I've ever gotten to showing the real me was to you... Do you still recall our stargazing in the night? In all honesty, I really don't remember much... These memories, however, I know were true, not some creation or figments of my fractured mind...

"Course they were true, silly!~"

"Who... Is speaking...?"

"You know~ The logical? Another voice in your head. But the answer you want to hear? My spirit is back for you, here to comfort you..."

"I... I... Don't know what to do..."

"Sure you do. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Why beat yourself up this much because of the ones you made?"

"Because my mistakes ruined everyone's lives! Maybe... Maybe... You'd live... None of this would happen... We would all be together, and... and-!"

The woman's voice choked up in her throat the moment she felt two palms cup her cheeks. Staring back at her was the Foxian girl she hadn't seen in forever. The tears that threatened to spill from the corners of her eyes did so. Was she real? Jingliu didn't care; she continued to cry while being held by who she thinks is her old friend's spirit.