Urgent

Chapter 21

There's no one in the Pit. It's a strange sight. The Pit is always bustling with life, filled with people. It looks wrong now. The usual sounds of laughter and footsteps have gone. There's no noise except for a soft humming noise. 

In my mind, I know that I should stop. That I shouldn't follow the sound but run the other way and never look back. But I don't. I follow the noise. It leads me to the chasm, where the water is splashed at the jagged rocks which decorate the bottom. It looks dangerous. It is dangerous. 

I know that but I still climb over the railing. I twist my body so that I'm hanging directly over the chasm. If I slip - I will fall and die, but not before I am torn apart by the river. It makes me wonder why I'm doing this. 

It has been a few days - I think about four since I spoke to Tori. The Erudite have released two new articles attacking the Abnegation since then. Both of them are different, with the first accusing Abnegation of withholding luxuries from the other factions so they can force their belief upon all the others. 

It's absolute rubbish and the thought ridiculous. It made burning the articles a whole lot more enjoyable. 

The second article is slightly better. A bit more rational. It discusses the failings of choosing government officials based on their faction, asking why only people who define themselves as selfless should be in government. It promotes a return to the democratically elected political systems of the past. 

It's not the article which bothers me but the fact that I agree. Still, the true nature of the article can't be hidden. This article, while it does make a fair point, has been written with the intention of beginning a revolution - one to topple the government and perhaps the entire Abnegation faction. 

My breath hitches as I feel a sprinkle of cold water against my back. It sends shivers down my spine and I have to clench my hands around the railing to stop them from shaking. 

It's frustrating though. I'm not a part of Abnegation anymore - I left them but I still feel so upset when reading these articles. Everyone has noticed. My friends all tried to cheer me up. For the first article, Christina snuck with me to the kitchens and we had a feast. And then when the second article came out, Will took me the library - I was surprised that the Dauntless have a library - and while it may seem quite boring, we had a lot of fun there. 

But then I started seeing Tris less and less. It's understandable that it would affect Tris more than me and she's trying to cope but still bothers me. The newfound distance. Because Tris, while she may be rude and mean at times, she's still all I have left of home. And while I have no love for Abnegation, even I feel homesick at times. 

It's worse without her. 

I look down. The chasm is more wild than usual. More violent. I didn't realize how much I fear death until I'm facing it. You'll only die if you slip, I remind myself. It does nothing to reassure me and just makes me even more aware to my loosening grip on the railing

In the past four days, I have faced four new fears. Each are as terrifying and horrific as the rest and something I wish I could burn from my memory. Preferably, forever. 

In one of them, I stood in the middle of a storm, there was thunder and lightning and the rain wouldn't stop. In another, there were a thousand snakes and the biggest of them all was wrapped around my throat, suffocating me. In the third one, I was kissing Peter again but he doesn't pull away this time. And the last was perhaps the worst - in which I was all alone. Abandoned. 

Although I could die any moment now, it isn't quite as overwhelming, as crushing as the previous fear. I glance over my shoulder at the rushing water. It would rip me apart... if this was real. But it's not real so I don't hesitate when I let go off the railing.