The Loudest Minds

Chapter 2

She was torn up inside, and only he could see it. Only he could see how lost she was; how her footsteps faltered and her gaze wandered to lock on the overcast slate sky. It broke his heart.

"Rose!" She heard someone shout from behind her in the breezeway. She ignored them. Then she was yanked to the side by a hand on her book bag and shoved up against the row of lockers.

"Rose, look at me. Please." It was Eli, her best friend. They could have been siblings though, the way the acted. Despite how different they looked.

He was about to say something else, but instead he just stared at her for what seemed like forever. The sea of students flowed past them, turning into a stream of color and background noise. His normally clear eyes were clouded with so many emotions, she couldn't decipher them all.

Sorrow, concern, fear...fury. And she detected something even stranger...

Finally, Eli's hands dropped from her shoulders and muttered, "Your shirt's on backwards."

Rose's eyes widened slightly, the only reaction Eli had seen from her all day, and she proceeded to mime something. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, like two scrunched up inchworms.

"You...oh! You want to write?" Rose nodded, and he drew a piece of paper from his backpack as well as his trusty blue pen, lovingly named Gladys. Don't ask him why the pen's name is Gladys; he'll just tell you that "it's a reference".

She scribbled furiously on the college rule, not bothering to avoid poking holes in it. She handed it back to Eli. Not a shit to be given, it read.

He laughed, but it never escaped his attention that she didn't smile. Not once.

"...Why won't you talk?" he asked cautiously. Rose took the paper back, and a few strands of dark hair fell over her shoulder as she bent over the paper again. I don't deserve to speak.

Eli rose an eyebrow at this, as if to say you're still not making any sense. She caught his expression and continued writing.

It's part of my trade. Karma's a bitch. But I'm even worse.

The other eyebrow rose to join the first, making his face less confused and more shocked.

"I know what happened," he blurted suddenly. Rose's shoulders slumped. "My parents told me. Yesterday. They told me yesterday. They told me how she...how they..." he faltered. "They said that's why you hadn't been to school since last week, they told me that you were arranging stuff and--" Words started rushing from his mouth now, like a dam breaking. Her head was tilted down, bangs covering her eyes. He rambled on, until a finger was pressed softly to his lips. He shivered and shut up immediately.

When she pulled away he spoke again. "I..." He trailed off and looked away. He looked murderous, like he could find someone to punch and it would make everything better.

So that's what the mysterious emotion in his eyes had been. Murderous intent.

His eyes dragged back to her hidden face. "What's going to happen to you?" His voice broke near the end. She looked back up. He expected to see tears in her eyes, but her gaze was level.

She snatched the paper back. Her hands were shaking. This didn't escape his notice, either.

She shoved the paper to his chest and turned, disappearing in the crowd before he could say more. He caught the paper right before it hit the ground. The words I don't know were scratched out hastily. Something else was written beneath it.

I'm terrified.

* * * * * * * *

Rose knew exactly what was going to happen to her. She just wasn't quite ready to release the information.

But on the other hand, she couldn't lie to Eli. It wasn't fair, to either of them. So she would tell him. Tonight.

The bus ran over a bump, knocking her head against the window and jarring her out of her thoughts. Rose had zoned out, as she found herself doing so often lately.

She glanced down at her phone. Her ever-fluctuating music taste was being bipolar again. Did she want to be soothed? Her finger hovered over the Calm playlist, filled with The Paper Kites and hang drum music. Or did she want to be drowned?

She picked the latter.

What else should I be? All apologies,
What else could I say? Everyone is gay,
What else should I write? I don't have the right,
What else should I be? All apologies...

She cranked up the volume on her earbuds as her thoughts drifted again, and she let her head sink back against the cold glass. The clouds looked like a coffin lid, she realized.

She turned her head away from the window.

At least Rose didn't have to face them again. She didn't have to see them all powdered up and dressed in clothes they never would have worn in life. She didn't have to see those slick coffins lowered into the ground, to be slowly suffocated with dirt. Her mother had wanted to be cremated in her will, and her brother would receive the same treatment.

She shuddered.

The bus rolled to a stop. Rose was the only person to get off. She stood on the curb for a few seconds, watching the bus drive away. She didn't used to take the bus.

She started off in the direction of her house. Her eyes were glued to the dirty pavement beneath her feet, and the small, sturdy grass shoots poking up through the cracks. Lucky little bastards, she thought. Not a care in the world.

Oh great. Now she was jealous of grass.

Before she could start mentally cussing the grass out, she found herself running into a mailbox. It read Gheata on it in curly red letters. Rose stared at it. She fought the urge to hit it.

She walked past it instead.

She pulled out her keys and glanced at the student I.D. on her lanyard. She looked so happy in that picture. She forgot what it was like to smile like that.

She walked into the house. "Rose?" She heard a voice call out, "Is that you?"

Rose rounded a corner to the kitchen and saw her mom's best friend, Caroline. Caroline had offered to look after Rose until other arrangements could be made. She was single and had no children, so that made it easier. "Hey, Rose. How was school?"

Rose glanced at her briefly, then pointedly stared out the window. Caroline sighed. "Still not talking, huh?" Rose shook her head. And you can't make me, she thought.

Caroline was busy drying dishes. Rose tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at the ceiling.

"You're going upstairs?" Nod. "Do you need anything?" Head shake. "Well...if you do just let me know." Silence.

Rose trudged up the stairs and to her room, dropping her book bag by the door and silently closing it. She glanced around her room briefly before grabbing her phone and heading for the window. She slid it open and shimmied the bottom half of her body through. Her feet found trusty purchase on the branch of the sturdy oak next to her window.

She crawled down its trunk and dropped to the ground, crouching like a cat to ease the landing. She quickly rounded the house and, making sure she was out of sight of the kitchen window, set off down the street.

Rose's mind wandered again as she strolled, and as usual, it strayed into dangerous territory.

She thought about the look she had seen in Eli's eyes. That look that spelled murder. She wondered where she had seen it before, to have recognized it so quickly. Then it hit her.

That was the same glint she saw when she looked in the mirror, except Rose's intent was directed at herself.