To love and to Hate

10: Crumbling

Jisung ignored the insufferable man behind him and ran out the door, letting it slam behind him. The sun was too bright, and nausea grew with the dizziness that filled his head. The details of the night before were blurry and dark, but the memory of it all was etched into his body, like his skin could remember everything he couldn't.

He couldn't deny that he was satisfied, and that only made this situation all the more worse. The person he hated was not supposed to make him feel good in any way, shape, or form.

Jisung had a small moment of panic when he couldn't find the key to his apartment, but he eventually did in the pocket of his shirt, and he fumbled with the lock clumsily. He stumbled inside just in time to vomit, and he was grateful for dark wooden floors that were easy to clean.

He slumped onto the floor, letting his back hit the wall as he stared at the mess he made in shame. His living space was quiet. So quiet that it made his thoughts loud enough to worsen his headache.

He messed up, to put it lightly.

I slept with Mage Minho. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a nightmare. It actually happened. Fuck.

The feeling of Minho's lips tracing his skin flashed through his mind and burned on his skin. He shook his head, as if that would rid of the thoughts and memories spilling into his mind.

How had it ever come to this? When did he ever think of Minho with anything but hatred? How did lust cloud his thoughts and actions?

"It's time I tame you, isn't it, darling?"

Jisung flinched, hating the way his body reacted to the memory of Minho's voice, and he staggered to his feet. He rushed into the washroom, and yet another wave of nausea rolled through him at the sight of his appearance in the mirror he'd propped on an old vanity he found dumped behind an inn. His eyes were tired and dark, his hair screamed the fact that he slept with someone, and his neck and upper chest adorned a few love bites. Even the one over his mage mark was clearly visible.

"Maybe I need to leave Goldenspire and move to another country."

✿✿✿

Jisung no longer believed in luck. He planned on locking himself away for a few days since he could afford to do so for once, but his guild master had other plans. After a lengthy bath and a small breakfast that tasted like regret and shame, he received a message from the guild calling for a general meeting. General meetings were rare and always important, so this wasn't something he would be able to sit out.

For a short time he fought with himself, and he was partially tempted to chase that messenger girl down so she could pass on the word that he was now a retired mage.

But giving up on everything and hiding away would mean that Minho won. He would rather die than allow the water mage to hold anything over his head.

Nothing happened. Jisung didn't even leave his apartment last night. He didn't even know Mage Minho was out and about drinking the night away. In fact, he hadn't looked at Minho in over a week. Yes, that was the reality.

It took some time, but Jisung eventually gathered himself together and even felt a boost of confidence as he left his apartment. He Minho was nothing more than a one time thing, a one time mistake. And he wasn't the only one that gave into temptation, the other mage was just as responsible. It wasn't the end of the world, and in the end one messy night wasn't going to make a difference.

The warm sun and fresh air helped Jisung's state significantly as he made his way to the guild, and the dread that was previously weighing down on his shoulders slowly lifted. There was no harm in feeling good for a night, and that was all Jisung was going to appreciate. Everything was fine.