If I May Be So Bold (A Harry Potter Universe Fanfiction)

26.

She looked above their heads instead, eyes on the floating candles. She tried to listen to Professor Whitby's little welcoming speech but didn't process any of the words.

Next thing she knew, they were singing. Ella went ahead on autopilot. She knew these songs inside and out. She had no idea what she sounded like or, for that matter, what anyone else sounded like, because she couldn't hear. Her ears had forgotten how to do their job.

She was going to pass out.

Or at the very least, she was going to chicken out. Logan would walk up there alone, do his violin part as a solo. Ella would just stay behind.

It was a tempting thought, but she knew Logan would never let it happen. He'd pull her up to the front and she'd go, because he had held her hand for ten whole minutes just now and because he liked to listen to her sing. She'd go, because he'd smile at her like 'this is it' and she'd follow him up to the front where he'd retrieve his violin and then he'd look at her again before they started.

Ella was so busy imagining this scene play out that when they arrived at her song, it felt like deja vu. They'd just finished singing Fairy Lights and Logan reached for her hand again while the audience applauded. Ella wished she could hang onto it the whole time she sang, but he would need both hands to play the violin. He just smiled at her, just like she'd imagined. She could hear the 'this is it' like he'd said the words out loud.

Then he let go of her hand and he led the way down the choir stands and to the front of the group.

Ella stood in front of the microphone and swallowed hard. Professor Whitby beamed at her.

Her ears were working again. She heard people whispering. Heard her sister call out "Woo! Go Ella!" into the relative quiet, followed by a number of laughs, which, later she would find startling, because Juni hadn't spoken to her since her outburst outside Ravenclaw tower weeks ago, but she didn't have the capacity to meditate on the end of her silence just now.

Ella looked at Logan. He had the violin perched under his chin, the bow ready. He inclined his head slightly when they made eye contact.

Then Professor Whitby began to play the piano and behind her, the rest of the choir sustained a long, low 'ooh' that provided the backdrop for her to begin singing. Ella tried to breathe evenly. She tried to pretend she couldn't see the audience, that it was just her and Logan and the rest of the group, up in the choir room again practicing. She pictured the golden sunset light beaming in through the stained glass, pictured the colorful patterns it cast on her music, and then, when it was time, Ella began to sing.

If she looked at anyone at all, it was Logan, but only sometimes, and every time, he was looking at her and smiling.

The song sounded different in the Great Hall. The rafters were so much higher, the space so large, and yet their sound seemed to fill the whole space. Ella started to get chills.

It was going okay. She could do this. She wanted to do this. She wanted to be good at this. For probably the first time since she'd started at Hogwarts, Ella really wanted people to see her. She didn't want to be in the background anymore. At least not right now.

Confidence started to build up inside her, replacing the butterflies that had plagued her stomach all day.

Then just as quickly as it had started, the song was over. Ella let her eyes fall to all the people in front of her for the first time since they'd walked out of the side chamber. Juni was right in the front and she was cheering like it was a quidditch match. She'd gotten all of her friends going, too. But they weren't the only ones applauding more than was typical. The whole room seemed to have sat up a little straighter. Lots of people were whispering to each other, some shaking their heads.

Ella looked at Logan and he just grinned. Voice of an angel, he mouthed at her.

Ella mouthed back thank you and hoped he knew it wasn't for the compliment so much as it was for just being there next to her, for making her feel calmer when she hadn't been.

They made their way back to their seats for the final song. Ella's heart was skipping. She couldn't quite believe she had done it. She had sung by herself in front of all those people, into a microphone. She had stood in front of the whole school and done something that forced people to notice her.

If someone had told her at the end of last year that she would do anything of the sort, Ella would have denied it repeatedly. She'd never, never have believed it of herself.

But here she was, on the other side of something that had really scared her, and she felt alright.

As Professor Whitby put his hands back on the keys, Ella reached for Logan's hand again, glad they were several rows back where no one would really see her do this.

He closed his fingers over hers and they hung on for the entire song. Ella couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

After the concert, they briefly retreated to the side chamber so Professor Whitby could give them a few last minute reminders about the concert in Hogsmeade the following evening. As soon as they were behind the door, Logan pulled her into a tight hug.

"What'd I tell you?" he said, swaying from side to side. "They loved you. You're a star."

Ella was so surprised, she couldn't do anything but laugh. They'd never hugged before. The closest they had come was the day Professor Whitby had told her she had the solo and she'd panicked. Logan had put his arm around her. But they had never actually hugged.

He let go and looked at her. "How do you feel?"

"Great," Ella said. "It was—" She shook her head. Words weren't coming to her yet. "Thank you. For everything."

Logan shrugged. "I didn't do anything. That was all you."

Ella opened her mouth to argue this, but Professor Whitby started speaking then and she didn't get the chance.

By the time he'd finished, she wasn't even sure how to explain exactly what Logan had done. She just knew that he'd helped. "Just thank you," she said again. "Really." And then Iris and Kyrie pulled her way.

"Time to meet your adoring public," Kyrie said cheerfully.

And as they exited, the room, the three of them arm in arm, Iris leaned in and whispered, "Try telling me he doesn't like you like that one more time and I'll be forced to believe someone's confunded you."

Ella couldn't do anything but smile down at her feet.

When she looked up again, she found her dad right away, waiting not far from the door for her to reemerge, but what she didn't expect to see was her mum. She looked like she might recently have been crying.

Suddenly, Ella felt nervous again.

"I didn't know you were coming today," she said, breaking away from her friends.

Her mum pulled her into her arms, hand on the back of Ella's head.

"I'd never have missed this," she said, squeezing Ella a little tighter for a moment. Then she held her out at arm's length and looked at her. "I don't even have words," she said. "I just can't even begin to tell you how amazing you are."

"It was so scary," Ella whispered.

"And I'm so proud of you," her mum said. "So proud."

Then she hugged her again, holding on until her dad said, "Alright, alright. My turn."

"Oh fine," her mum said with a laugh and let Ella go.

Looking around the Great Hall from inside her dad's hug, Ella thought for the first time that she was actually looking forward to doing it again the following day.