Insecurities

Chapter 13

Olivia's heart drops as soon as she hears her name.

"Kathy..." Elliot repeats in shock. "Is everything alright?" He asks tucking his hands in his pockets to conceal his erection.

"Um.." she mumbles. "I need to talk to you about something.." she advises. "Can I come in?"

"Uh nows not really a good time..?" He says, knowing Olivia is right behind him, knowing that his dick is throbbing in his pants, knowing that there are claw marks on his back.

"It's kinda important.." she says and he swallows "Could we maybe talk later.." but she's immediately shaking her head.

Before he can say anything else- "I'm pregnant."

He swallows hard and grabs hold of the door to sturdy himself, instantly feeling lightheaded. "You're...you're what?" He asks.

"I'm pregnant." She repeats and Olivia wishes she hadn't. She wasn't sure she had heard her correctly at first but the second time was no mistake and she's clutching her chest and putting a hand over her mouth to hold in the small gasp trying to escape her.

She makes her way to his bedroom and takes a seat. Her whole world just came crashing down with 2 words and she's trying not to dissolve into a puddle of tears but she can feel her emotions burning their way through her chest and up her esophagus and into her eyes.

So much for a lifetime

He stands in the doorway. Completely speechless. His heart is throbbing and aching and he feels like he might actually have a heart attack.

"Maybe you should take a seat." Kathy says grabbing his shoulder and leaning towards the door.

He quicky pulls it shut preventing her from entering. "No." He mutters softly leaning against the wall and pressing his hands into his knees. He feels like he might throw up but he keeps his back pressed against the wall.

"El you don't look well, maybe you should get something to drink." She says placing a hand on his shoulder.

He thinks of how much different her hand is from Olivia's, cold and freckled and small. But Olivia's is warm. 

"I'm fine." He says leaning away so her hand falls from his shoulder.

"I think I need some air." He says and she nods and extends a hand to him. "You go. I'll be down in a minute." He says, tugging the door open and stepping inside, quickly shutting it behind him without another word.

He takes a few deep breaths and tries to steady his heart rate.

Fuck Liv.

"Liv.." he calls out when he doesn't see her in the kitchen. He makes his way down the hall and peeks into the bathroom. Pitch black.

"Liv.." he calls out again and before he even rounds the corner he can hear her sniffling.

She's sitting on the edge of his bed arms holding her legs with her knees tucked up into her chest, face tucked into the crevice of her shoulder.

He tears up at the sight of her. He walks over and pulls her hands away from her legs, she lowers her feet to the ground and he drops to his knees and looks up at her.

There's tears in his eyes and he's gripping her hands and rubbing his thumbs across them.

"I love you.." he says and his voice is breaking.

"I love you Olivia." It's like a desperate attempt to make sure that she knows that. As if he needs her to know because of what's happened, what's going to happen.