Insecurities

Chapter 10

He rolls off her and lays in bed beside her.

"That was..." He mumbles breathlessly "Yeah." She says before he can finish his sentence.

Hes laying close so his bicep is almost resting on top of her arm and the side of his head is pressed against the side of hers, resting on the same pillow.

They lay there trying to come down and collect themselves and he reaches over and laces his fingers into hers. He rests their hands on his hip and looks down at her hand in his.

He rubs thumb across the top of her fingers.

There's nothing overtly romantic about it but she thinks it's sweet.

As if he's savoring even being able to touch something as simple as her hand.

"When did you first know?" She asks and he smiles.

"I always thought you were a very attractive woman but... I think the first time I truly realized my feelings for you was when you said you were "a regular monk" and I said you were a monkette. She turns her head to look at him. "That? Why then?" She asks with a chuckle. He returns one. "I thought about how much I wanted to change all that." He says and she smiles and mimics him, she doesn't say anything she just begins running her thumb across his fingers.

"You?" He asks.

"Richard White." She says and he nods knowingly with a bright beaming smile but she explains anyways.

"You were so.. protective and thoughtful."

They look at each other and both smile wide.

"Blink your lights when you get inside." They say in unison and both laugh.

He turns on his side and wraps an arm around her waist.

She doesn't turn on her side but she turns her head towards his.

His hand is resting on the pillow just between their faces.

"Did you ever think about it?" He asks looking down at their bodies.

"I did." She admits, turning on her side to face him.

"How come you never said anything..?" He asks rubbing the pad of his thumb across her hip.

"I just.. didn't know if you felt the same way." She says. "I didn't want to ruin what we had if you didn't."

His eyes flicker a few times, stopping almost halfway shut.

They lay there for a while just looking into each other's eyes, their bodies are close but not actually touching.

She feels him growing against her leg and tries her best to ignore it.

"So what did you mean when you said... "It wouldn't go away the other day." He bites his lip to stop from smiling but it's unsuccessful.

"Before Kathy brought up the dream.. I didn't remember it. Once she brought it up when she came to the station.. I remembered it. Very vividly." He says, rolling on his back and sighing still uneasy about telling her he jerked off to her picture.

"When Kathy left I started becoming..aroused thinking about it." He wills himself to go on and clears his throat.  "I was actually imagining it right before you walked in. That's why I couldn't talk to you about it. I was trying not to think about it." He glances over at her to see how she's taking it so far and there's a silly smile on her face.

"I got an erection and tried to go to the bathroom until it went away." He says and she starts shaking her head in disbelief   "So that's why you were gone so long." She says, still smiling.