The Return To Love

Chapter Eight

***Authors Note***  

The next couple of chapters will be challenging. Both Can and Sanem will explain their feeling over the past seven years...and how each of them handled being apart... 

This will be a necessary element to their relationship. They both will have to make the other one know how they felt... and that they never forgot the love they had...the love they still had.....

Confessions of a broken heart will make the renewal of that love even sweeter and stronger than ever before....  

It will open the door for a glorious renewal of love .... One that has passed the test of time....

      Can knew that explaining why he left Istanbul would be hard, but he never thought it would be this hard. All the reasons that had sounded so reasonable and believable in his head, now sounded like nothing more than a cop out.

      He covered her hands with his hands.  He needed to continue, he needed to tell her everything. 

      " Well, for quite a while after I left here, I drifted around, blaming you for everything that had gone wrong. I didn't even work for that first year, I ended up at a small island in the Greek Islands. An old friend of mine let me bum off of him for a long time, until I got my head on straight." He explained, hanging his head as if he were ashamed.

      " But I couldn't answer your calls, or even type out a simple text to you. I was convinced that what ever you had to say was a lie. But I kept them,.... I kept all of them, and listened and read them over and over.....for years." He muttered, refusing to look her way..

      Sanem listened, her heart hurting at what he was confessing. " So you didn't want to talk to me, I get that, but I wish you had texted me back..... The one time you did replied was..... well I thought maybe you had missed me so much you couldn't stand it. You said you just needed time.....so I was hopeful." She sobbed. 

      Can hated to see her cry. It hurt him more than anything in the world. " Sanem, I did need time...but after a couple of years...I was too embarrassed to contact you. I thought you probably had moved on with your life... probably with someone else."  He revealed, his heart breaking as he said the words..

      Sanem wiped her tears, " You know I followed you as best I could. Every article, every bit of news I could get ahold of, I read. Even after I left Istanbul. I even subscripted to a couple of  photography magazines that talked about the most famous photographers in the world, and what they were doing." She admitted, with a slight smile.

      " So I too thought that you had moved on with your life.... and probably with someone else. Especially after I saw the picture of you and a beautiful woman from Switzerland, and it said that " marriage was right around the corner for this loving couple."  And I quote...."  Sanem said, as she remembered how much that had hurt her.. in fact it had almost killed her.

      Can stood quickly, " Sanem that was incorrect. We dated for a bit, I don't know, maybe four months. I was on a job, and she was a model. It wasn't like they reported. There was never any talk of marriage....you have to believe me." He stammered, taking hold of her hand.

      She wanted to know it all, and the only way was to ask.... " But you were with other women? You dated...and slept with other women...right? I have to know." She asked calmly, so calmly it almost scared him...

     Can turned away, wanting to avoid the question and the answer, but he knew she wouldn't let him. " Yes, yes I did. But not like you think. It was just a few and they... I..I...was desperate to try and forget about you." He blurted out, ashamed to admit it....

      Sanem stood there not sure of what to say. She realized she had done the very same thing, but had tried to block it out... But now she would have to face him with it...and herself...

      She took a deep breath... " Ok Can, let's just take a little break from this. There's no reason to talk about everything all at once." She said, wrapping her arm around his...." We are here to reconnect, not to persecute each other..."  

      Can nodded, "Ok, you're right. I just want to get back to where we were before Fabri ever came into our lives."  He agreed, hugging her tightly against his body.

      As if right on cue, Sanem's phone rang. They both looked at the table where her phone was laying. The name Javier lit up on the phone..... Can instantly felt that twinge of anger and jealousy, but most of all regret surge through him as he turned to look at Sanem.

      She smiled slightly and avoided Cans eyes, " Oh, I have to take this...I will just answer it over....i'll be right back." She stammered, as she grabbed her phone from the table and walked across the yard toward the trail that lead to the woods..

      The temptation to follow her and listen in on her conversation was very strong, and it took all he had to refrain....but he did.

      The conversation was lasting longer than he expected. He wondered who this Javier was, and what connection he had to Sanem. This was the second time he had rang her in the past eighteen hours, so what was so important, and why was Sanem so secretive.

      It seemed like an hour had pasted before Sanem returned. " Sorry,  I had to take that. He is very persistent....he would have kept calling until I answered." She said, shoving the phone into her bag..

      Can only stared at her, without saying a word. It made her nervous, but she didn't look away from him. " Okay, where were we..... " She asked. 

      " Javier,...he called you last night too, just as we got to the hotel. Is he someone special to you, or a curious friend?" He asked her, as she eyes examined her.

      Her face felt hot and flushed. She wasn't sure how to answer that. Javier was her publisher, and he had been since she made her home in San Cristobal. He had an agency in Barcelona, but spent a fair amount of time in Puerto Baquerizo Moreno.

      Javier had been one of her mistakes... a mistake that happened when she was at one of her most vulnerable times. She wouldn't have said he took advantage of her, because she participated willingly, but he had taken advantage of her state of mind at the time.... 

      " Sanem, we are being honest here... clearing the air so that we can go back to what we had...remember.." He spoke, as he waited for her explanation. The longer she hesitated, the longer he waited for her to speak, the more that feeling of dread filled his heart...

      Sanem gripped her hands nervously, " First of all, Javier is my publisher and a friend. We have worked together for a little over five years." She mumbled, her mouth was dry, almost too dry to continue, so she took a sip of her tea, hoping that it would help...

      She wrapped her arms around herself, holding on for dear life as she continued. " Javier and I had a brief...very brief relationship. I knew it was a mistake and I told him that it couldn't happen...we couldn't be together. But he hasn't been so easy to convince...." She stammered, avoiding eye contact with Can...

      Can wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the rest of what she had to say.. The thought of... the vision of her in the arms of another man.... It was ripping him up inside.... All of a sudden he wanted to leave...run as far away as he could.... But that was what the old Can would have done.... 

      " So, you slept with Javier... Are you still sleeping with him?" He uttered, pushing himself out of his comfort zone... But he had to know..

      Sanem looked up at him, " No, it happened about five years ago, and it was only once. I was.... well, I was having a tough time. I had just came back from Istanbul from collecting the last of my things. It was so definite for me. I had made my move final... it was as if I was walking away from you....." She said with agony..

       Can cringed, his stomach churning as if he may lose its contents. " So you were trying to forget me.....is that what you're saying?  He mumbled...." Please,...please don't tell me that you forgot me....not even for one second.."